Words of Wisdom

For the past two years, I've gone to see Garrison Kellior do his Prairie Home Companion show from the State Fair. Both times have been fantastic, particularly the two years ago, when he had a New Orleans blues band perform days after the Katrina mess began (the band had been touring and was caught away from home when the storm hit). I don't know that I've ever seen a crowd so emotionally pumped up for a performance like that.

Last year couldn't match that high, but it did have an excellent insight into the Minnesota Mind with A Lake Wobegon Philosophy. This was printed on the pamphlet they gave out describing the show. As far as I am aware, this is the first time something interesting and worthwhile has actually been printed on one of these things.

A Lake Wobegon Philosophy

1. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Do this before they do unto you what you don't want them to do. Shame them with goodness. Kill them with kindness. Cut their throats with courtesy.

2. The way to do something is to do it. Persevere. If you want to become the Tallest Boy In The Sixth Grade, stick around, keep at it, and the prize will be yours.

3. Try not to talk about the relationship. And don't refer to it as a relationship. Either it's a friendship or a romance or an illicit affair or you're related.

4. The rules for marriage are the same as the rules for a life raft. No sudden moves. Don't crowd the other person. Keep all thoughts of disaster to yourself. Almost any marriage can be helped simply by having more fun. If necessary, try taking your clothes off.

5. Put a big dish by the door, next to an electric outlet, and when you come home, put your car keys and your billfold in the dish and plug your mobile phone into the outlet to recharge. Keep your extra pairs of glasses in the bowl too. In the time you'll save not looking for these things every day, you'll be able to write War and Peace. Or the Mass in B minor.

6. All tragedy is misunderstood comedy. God is a great humorist who is working with a rather slow audience. Lighten up. Whatever you must do, do it wholeheartedly, joyfully. As you get older, you'll learn how to fake this.

7. The secret of writing is rewriting. The secret of living is to see your mistakes and learn how to either correct them or conceal them.

8. It's nice to dream, but the urge to perform is not in itself an indication of talent.

9. You can't live life all at once so take it one day at a time, and if you need drama, read Dickens. The lust for world domination does not make for the good life. The urge to be No. 1 is a bad urge. Charisma is an illusion and brilliance depends on who's writing the test. Go for the bronze.

10. Life is short and it's getting shorter. On the other hand, never buy cheap shoes.