Mr. Twig is Fucking Weak

Just finished watching the Chef Aid episode of South Park in the second season, when Mr. Garrison finally gets rid of Mr. Twig after Mr. Hat visciously attacks him (Mr. Twig, that is). Like the boys, I'm psyched to have Mr. Hat back, because Mr. Twig did indeed suck ass.

In answer to your question, no, I haven't gone insane.

Dickensian Twist

I first heard about this from Mr. Hanberg. Seems David Copperfield and two of his assistants got robbed by some teenagers with guns (aren't they cute?). Erik seemed to think that the part where Copperfield pulled a little slight-of-hand was a nice bit of propaganda, but ultimately bullshit.

I have to agree with you, Erik. You're a little cynical. Especially that line about how Copperfield should have made their guns disappear instead of just hiding his wallet.

First of all, I don't know what David Copperfield looks like. If I'm a punk kid with a gun looking to rob someone in West Palm Beach, all I see is a rich looking dude with two hot chicks. Second, while I can't comment on Copperfield's ability as a magician, I have to imagine that he's pretty damn good when it comes to the easy stuff, like making it look like you've got nothing while you stick a dove in a guy's ear to pull out later. Third, good magicians can make people who are watching closely miss what's going on. Again, if I'm a kid mugging some guy in what sounds like a pretty populated area, I'm nervous, twitchy, and eager to take the $500 and 200 Candyland dollars (ie Euros) and get the hell out of there. I'm not exactly conducting a thorough search. Fourth, "Copperfield read the license plate number of the car to an assistant while she called 911". I'm guessing this was accomplished with his cell phone, which he was able to hide from the muggers. The kids are in jail now, by the way.

So I'm guessing that David was finally able to put his skills to good use. I mean, all he was able to do until now was stupid tricks that netted him millions of dollars and supermodels. Now he's actually done something worthwhile.

Tournament!

First ultimate tourney is tomorrow and Sunday at GAC. I expect it to look like this. I'll be the guy holding the disc, thank you very much.

Doyle's

Hanberg, I'm jealous. And if I find Magner's, I'll try it immediately. Otherwise it might have to wait until my annual Washington trip in July.

Cool News

When it comes to movies, I listen to four sources. First, my friends, since I have a decent sense of what sort of movies they like, and I can discern from conversation whether or not I'd like the film. Second, Rotten Tomatoes, because I think it's a good (although not perfect) barometer of a movie. The last two are the only two critics I really listen to. The first (or third by the first method of counting) is Peter Travers of Rolling Stone, although if I already want to see a movie I generally don't read his full review, since he usually gives away more spoilers than I like. The last is Harry Knowles of AICN. I don't have the breath of movie experience that he does, but I've found that a thumbs up from him is a pretty good indication that I'm going to enjoy a movie.

I am therefore understandably new excited about MI: 3. It was reviewed by Harry a few days ago, ago and received an ethusiastic endorsement. Harry compared it to True Lies, which to me is, along with The Rock, one of the best action/comedies to come out in the last 10 years. Now MI: 3 is the directorial debut of J.J. Abrams, the creator of Alias and Lost, the later being the best show on tv. So we know the director has some serious skills. Harry compared MI: 3 to True Lies because, as he said, "Had scene after scene [of True Lies] not been hit with jokes throughout... well, it would have been amazing [as a serious spy flick]. It would have been... Mission Impossible 3." By the way, those ellipses are his, not mine.

So now, where I was merely interested in seeing MI: 3, since the first two were either headache-inducing or vapidly soulless, I am now officially excited.

And today, I got more officially excited. Not about MI: 3, but about Star Trek. Because the next movie has been announced for 2008. And directing will be none other than the same J.J. Abrams. And who will the movie feature, you ask? There's no current Trek series. The TNG crew is getting older and don't fit into their uniforms as well as they used to (as we saw in the Enterprise finale). No, instead JJ will get the reins on a couple of guys named Kirk and Spock, and will detail their meeting at Starfleet Academy and their first space mission. Recasting the two seminal characters of classic Trek will be tricky, but if I was going to put anyone in charge, it'd be the guys who produce Lost (because, at this point, I'm ready to put them in charge of just about everything). And how much do you want to bet we get to see Nimoy and Shatner in space garb one more time?

Just one more reason why Lost is the greatest show ever: it gets its incredibly talented creators jobs like this.

Humpty Dumpty

When I was doing draft research for fantasy baseball, I heard a lot of hype about Felix Hernandez, the Mariners' 20 year old phenom. But I didn't read anything quite as funny as this. For those of you who don't know, pitching in major league baseball is pretty damn strenuous, and some teams (coughCUBScough) have had serious problems with their young pitching stars getting seriously and continuously injured. But it's still fricking hilarious. Again, go here.

In my defense

I'm playing in three fantasy baseball teams this year. In the last three days, I've started a total of 3 A's pitchers over my three teams (Dan Haren twice and Joe Blanton once). The A's, of course, were playing the Twins for the last three games. Now, in my defense, the A's had just pitched an excellent series against the Mariners, and had been playing well in general. The Twins, on the other hand, had been hitting the ball as if they were using week-old carp instead of bats. I was hoping the Twinkies would snap out of it, and maybe take 2 of 3. But I didn't expect them to score a lot of runs: I expected the Twins pitching to wake up, hold the A's to at most 3 runs, and the Twins would win by a run or two.

Now, of course, Haren and Blanton's stat lines are killing my pitching stats this week, because they both got hammered. Big time. To the tune of 7 earned runs in 6 innings. That's not the sort of thing that's friendly to your ERA, people.

So naturally I'm ecstatic that the Twins swept the A's. I just wish I had guessed that they were going to do it in such convincing fashion. Let's hope they can keep it up with the fucking Yankees in town this weekend.

Does Joe possess the Technological Savvy of Hanberg?

Maybe. Can you see this? Man, that is one heck of a neck beard. Go me!

Hanberg is right.

That is the coolest thing ever. At least until the next coolest thing ever.

Not weirder than the Smoke Monster

As the last episode of Lost until May came to a close, Kathreen and I both agreed that, despite the many weird things that continually happen on that kick-ass island, there is nothing weirder than the Smoke Monster, who has been absent since its face-off with Eko. Not the Hatch, not the Dharma Institute, not the Others, nothing.

Speaking of Lost, Lost kicks ass. Kate and Jack finally playing nice again? Michael back? Locke cured of his button obsession? May has never seemed so far away. And when are we going to find out who won this year's Island Open?

They're trying to take Java's stuff, man...

I think we all know what the obvious response to this is. That's right, we must return Java to his native land so he can be elected Govenor on the platform of securing his people's right to smoke pot.

Are you a pompous ass?

Then you might want to buy a $1,000.00 Mint Julep at the Kentucky Derby this year. Served to you in a 24 carat gold plated cup with a silver straw, this insane drink will be made from Kentucky Bourbon (I'm assuming a very valuable, single-barrel bourbon), Moroccoan mint, Artic ice and sugar from the South Pacific (I don't know if they will sing showtunes to you while you drink it). Oh, and you get to watch master mixologists make it in front of you. Be sure to get yours early, though. They'll only make 50 of them.

It's not all crazy, though. Proceeds will go to a charity that finds homes for old race horses.

Also, if you're looking for just a regular mint julep, appearently the Derby is your annual Hajj. They sell 90,000 regular ones there every year (and by regular, I mean ones served in pewter or silver cups).

More here.

Greatest Major Ever?

Man, did I make the wrong choice in college. I'm sitting watching the NCAA finals, and one of the Florida players was shooting a free throw. CBS chose this moment to inform us all that his major was...Leisure Management.

Wow. Pack my bags, I'm going back to school. I can't wait to find out what the requirements are for a Leisure Management Major. Also, can you imagine what sort of jobs you'd be able to apply for?

The mind boggles.