Stupidest thing ever

In a world with 6 billion people, there are bound to be some morons. I mean, let's face it, civilization keeps alive a lot of people who just wouldn't make it on their own. But in a society like ours that continually tops itself, this one strikes me as something of a benchmark.

OJ Simpson is publishing a book and giving a TV interview on Fox to promote the book at the end of November. The topic? OJ will tell the interviewer "how, hypothetically, he could have killed his ex-wife and her friend". The book will be titled "If I Did It."

Wow. So OJ's going to get up there and say, "I didn't do this, but if I did, here's how I would have done it"? I know he can't get tried for murder again, but damn. Do other people who didn't commit horrible crimes spend lots of time imagining how they would have committed them?

I recognize that he may have done this book/tv deal just to get some money to try and pay off some of the $33 million he owes the Goldman family, but still. This man has issues. I wonder if he's found the real killers yet?

Congratulations are in order

Been awhile since I posted, and several things have happened to people I know that deserve recognition. So here we go:

Good job, Democrats. You didn't massively fuck up and won back the House and Senate. Now just be smart about things and get some stuff passed so people can actually say you stand for something again.

To my good friend Sara Decherd, mazel tov on her engagement to her boyfriend Solomon Rutzky. You can see their wedding site here. I had the opportunity to meet Solomon when they visited the cities a few months ago, and I was impressed by his dry, sarcastic sense of humor, which I thoroughly approve of.

Also in the romantic adventures department, a good job by Mr. Java Fortran on getting a date with a frisbee girl. Java reminds me of the song "Tiger Woods" by Dan Bern, 'cause he's got "big ol' balls".

To the inestimable Mr. Andrew Eppig: Happy Birthday. Mr. Eppig turned 27 on Oct 25th, and I totally forgot until two weeks ago, and I'm just getting around to doing something about it now. Andrew, you're a better man than me, but at least I don't forget your birthday for long. I hope you had a nice traditional French celebration, which, as far as I understand it, involves wine and hookers, although not necessarily in that order.

Major props to Mr. Caleb Bartley, who went to Dallas looking for a job and has now found one. He is now the newest Emergency Management Specialist for the City of Dallas. Caleb, I think we're all disappointed that your job is Official Uniform Inspector for the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, but we all need goals to work toward. On the plus side, Caleb's hiring did inspire an unprecedented level of inter-faith cooperation, as various respected Mullahs and Rabbis joined the Pope and the Dalai Lama in calling for the people of the world to pray that the city of Dallas never has an emergency. Ever.

And finally, congratulations to Mr. Erik Hanberg (apparently I feel like calling everyone Mr. today). After he left his position as General Manager and Grand Pooh-Bah of The Grand theater, he decided that he wanted to open a for-profit, black box theater in Tacoma. Ambitious, certainly. But so far it looks like he's doing ok, and last week he announced The Horatio has secured a location in downtown Tacoma. Erik, I'm massively impressed. And if any of you has an extra $100 sitting around, ship it on over to Hanberg to help him get his theater up and running. He'll even give you stuff if you do.

And what's going on with you, Joe? Well, I've been playing my new video game: Marvel Ultimate Alliance. Nothing like kicking some bad guy ass while playing as Cap, Thor or Spider-Man. Also, I get to brew beer this weekend. Woo hoo!

Election '06 Jitters

So the election is tomorrow, and I'm nervous. "Why are you nervous, Joe?" you might ask with good reason. The Dems, at this point, are looking to be by far the less stupid of the two parties, and seem poised to take control of the Hill. It would be a massive upset if they didn't take at least one of the Houses of Congress.

Let's see. What's happened in the national elections since I turned 18?

In 1998, Minnesotans elect a professional wrassler governor. Jesse Ventura makes up 10+ points overnight, providing an excellent argument for Congress' subsequent bill which sought to institutionalize the state.

In 2000, Cuba offers to send election officials to Florida, the President is elected by the Supreme court, and the term "hanging chad" dominates the national dialogue for months.

In 2002, everyone is so freaked out that all politicians need to do point and yell "Terrorists!" and no one pays attention to what they're actually doing. Paul Wellstone dies less than a month before the election, and certain victory for his replacement (Walter Mondale), turns into crushing defeat after everyone goes Howard-Dean-insane at the memorial service. Minnesota elects Bush clones Pawlenty and Coleman as Governor and Senator, respectively.

In 2004, we find out that all this country REALLY has to fear is a president that windsurfs.

And that brings us to now. 2006. Water is banned on airplanes. The only thing we know for certain about Iraq is that whatever it is we're doing is working out so great. Inspired by the success of Girls Gone Wild, Congress has decided to put out a monthly scandal, which they keep sending out even after we've told them we don't want them. And the Dems might actually be getting back into a position where they can build up some street cred.

Yeah. I'm nervous. Big time.

Twins Stadium Ideas

Check out this article from the Star Trib a few days ago. Seems the commission charged with building the new Twins stadium wanted to hear what the people of Minnesota wanted to see in their new stadium. Now, I get this. The best stadiums in the country have cool quirks. The KC stadium is still on of my favorites because they have that waterfall in center field. And I know that I laugh my ass off every time an opposing player looses a fly ball in the ceiling of the dome. However, this can backfire, as in the case of Houston, where an escaped mental patient apparently convinced them to put both a hill and a flag pole in play in center field. I'm hoping the same guy doesn't come to Minnesota between now and 2010, because he might convince the commission to adopt the final suggestion of the article:

"Minnesota should have the world's largest log cabin stadium."

Never mess with Tony Jaa's Elephants

And I mean never. He will break your arm in 8 places, then kick you in the head as you're flying away in a helicopter. Anyway, go see The Protector if you're in the mood to watch the current king of movie martial arts. You won't need to worry about the plot, because I'll give it away right now: Tony Jaa and his dad raise elephants. Bad men steal the elephants, kill Tony's dad and take the elephants to Sydney, where all evil asian people in movies if they want to talk to white people. Tony Jaa follows them, then kicks everyone's ass. There you go.

There's one scene where I'm pretty sure they just asked Jaa how many different ways he could take someone down while doing (or appearing to do) significant damage to their arms or legs. Then they told about 84 stunt guys to run at him one at a time. Then they added sound effects. Crunch.

Seriously, it's fricking awesome. It gets the official Joe seal of approval.

Speaking of trailers

A while ago I posted a poster for a movie I knew nothing about, but was excited to see because the poster kicked ass (being drawn by Mike Mignola of Hellboy fame). Now the trailer for the movie, Pan's Labyrinth, is online. And it's kinda creepy. I still don't know anything about the movie (and yes, that's willful-I know I could find info if I went looking), but I'm still psyched to see it. Take a look.

Do do, da do da do

New Bond trailer up online. I don't have a problem with the whole "blond Bond" thing like some people seem to. I don't really think Daniel Craig is all that blond, anyway.

Flick looks good. I'll reserve judgement until I've seen the entire movie, though.

My apartment is a secret CIA prison

It's true. The CIA has been holding some dude here for the past four months. And the screams at night and the smell of burning human hair is starting to really get to me.

I'm sorry, but is there some reason that Bush couldn't say this back in, oh, November, when this story actually broke in the press? Oh wait, he needed 10 months to clear everyone out of those secret prisons and get them to Guantanamo. And clear up that damn evidence of torture. No, I don't have any proof for that last statement. But let's see here. If your administration has gone from disregarding the Geneva Convention to calling it "vague", your Secretary of Defense created an environment that allowed the Abu Gharib stuff to not only happen, but for many, many pictures to be taken, and your term for your interrogation techniques is "alternative", I'm thinking you are to torture what Barry Bonds' overripe cantaloupe of a head is to steroids.

I am not under some sort of strange delusion where I think we're keeping fluffy bunny rabbits in these places. Many of these are seriously disturbed people whose outlet for their problems seems to be focused rage at the West (neither do I believe that everyone at Guantanamo is a terrorist, but that's not really germane to the issue). They need to be held accountable for their actions (or intended actions). But we need to be better than these people. We need to make the system transparent enough that whoever's in charge can't just lock people away indefinitely. These people need to see and hear the evidence against them, and have a chance to respond. I'm not saying take 12 morons off the street, but get an objective panel that knows what's going on and can make an intelligent, informed and well-reasoned opinion. We don't get to torture them. They've decided that our lives mean less than theirs. We cannot feel the same way. Check that. We can feel that way all we want, but we cannot act that way. We need to be better than them, because we've got the bigger guns, tanks, planes and nuclear bombs, and if we're not better than them, then everyone on this planet is in a lot of trouble.

Evil Doers Beware! You Face...The Tick!

Probably the best animated cartoon show I've ever seen (not my favorite-that would be He-Man) is The Tick. Ever since the first time I realised that they could actually release animated TV shows on DVD, I've wanted this series. And now, thanks to Amazon's graciousness, it has shipped to me. I will receive it on Dec 21, 2014, because I chose the free super-saver shipping. What a moron I am.

Of course, someone is a bigger moron, because this is not the entire first season. For some god-unknown reason, one of the episodes is not in this collection. The Tick vs The Mole Men, I believe. Supposedly it's by far the weakest episode of the bunch, but still. I swear, Marvel, if you're holding this up over the damn Mole Man rights I will kick you in the nuts.

I can't say I'm surprised

Forbes.com appearently doesn't have a whole lot of demands on their time, so they went around ranking the Drunkest Cities in America. Not surprisingly, Milwaukee came in at number one with a bullet. This comes on the heels of Futurama's distinction of Milwaukee as The Most Romantic Place on Earth, for its creation of the "beer goggles".

What is surprising about the Forbes.com study is that the Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul came in second. Wow. I had no idea we were so high on that list. Just one more reason why the midwest kicks the coasts' collective ass. Trailing us in the top 10 are Columbus, Ohio, Boston, Austin, Chicago, Cleavland, Pittsburgh, Philly and Providence.

Read the StarTrib article here and Forbes.com here.

Garza watch

Francisco Liriano has been the Twins' most ridiculous pitcher since he joined the starting rotation sometime in late May. But he's done something to his forearm, which caused him to skip his last start and get pulled from his start today after only 4 innings. This is bad news, because he's been as close to unhittable as you get in the majors. However, this may help to clarify the situation of the Twins' other most unhittable pitcher this year, Matt Garza. Garza was taken in the first round of the draft last year, meaning he's spent about 14 months or so in the Twins' minor leagues. After tearing through the three levels of the farm system as if they were a sub-par little league, Terry Ryan (the Twins' GM) is running out of reasons not to put Garza into the Twins' starting rotation.

My prediction: if Liriano goes on the DL (meaning a roster spot is freed up) or Mike Smith bombs his second shot as the 5th starter in the rotation, Garza will be in the majors and hopefully treating it like just another level of the minors.

A call for support

There are many idiots in the world. One of them is running this country. Others are in charge of various groups around the world. Your boss may be an idiot. Some bosses are. Some bosses are bigger idiots than others.

I have know Mr. Erik Hanberg since the fall of 2000, when we met as roommates while abroad for Carleton's London program. We bonded when we discovered we both disliked our third roommate. In all the time I've known him, I have found him to be someone who is passionate about his interests, which include truth in all its forms, movies and Lauren Bacall. He is also someone who works hard on anything he wants to accomplish, and all the more so when those goals happen to coincide with his passions. He has a signed picture of Lauren Bacall, he once went on a verbal tirade because a statistic someone had written in chalk outside of our dorm was a gross distortion of what the numbers actually meant, and of course for the last couple of years he has fully committed himself to running his local arthouse movie theater in Tacoma. He is one of the finest men I know, and I am glad to count him as a friend.

I have a link to Erik's blog over on the right, because I frequently find his comments and insights amusing and/or thoughtful. I strongly suggest it.

I say all this because, for reasons I won't go into here, Erik is leaving his job of Grand Pooh-Bah of The Grand. For those of you who also count him as a friend, drop him a line, either via phone or email. I'm sure it will be appreciated.

It's Hot

Today was (I think) the 17th day straight with a 90+ high. And it's going to continue for the next 5 days or so at least. Someone needs an air conditioner, and I think it's me. Also, it's humid enough to grow mold on common household objects. Like lamps.

Hanberg's Next Vodka

My esteemed friend, Erik Hanberg, likes weird bottles, and by that I mean specifically bottles that hold alcohol. This usually manifests itself in his tendency to buy bottles of wine that have either weird pictures on the front or odd paragraphs on the back, but sometimes it extends to other bottles. I can remember him buying a couple of vodkas solely because he thought the bottles were cool. Therefore, I predict that after he reads this post, this will be the next vodka he buys.

The bottle is shaped as an old school tommy gun, and appropriately enough, it's called Tommy Guns Vodka.

Next time I visit Tacoma I'll see that bottle.

Rock Star: Carleton

Josh looked a little nervous up there. Maybe he was afraid that some of the lizards would escape and come back on to the stage. Or maybe it was that whole millions-of-people-are-watching-me thing so many people seem to have. Also, it sounded like the bass was downmixed and Josh's lead guitar upmixed (I don't know if these are actual terms, I'm just making them up) from how the song played on the cd (itunes, baby. itunes). But still, it wasn't a bad performance. The didn't screw up, and they played pretty well. Major props to the 1st Goodhue alum.

Fame and Fortune

Well, it's finally happened. Someone from my class is going to be famous. Josh Grier lived on my floor freshman year of Carleton, and as this article in the Strib shows, he may be on the verge of being extremely well known. His band (Tapes 'N' Tapes) just signed a record contract with what sounds like a fairly major label and is playing Letterman tomorrow night (Tuesday). I saw him in the local grocery store about a year ago, and asked how he was doing. He said pretty good, and that his band was about to embark on a tour in the western half of the US. Color me impressed at their progess. I'll definately be tuning in tomorrow.

I know nothing...

...about this movie. But I still really want to see it. The poster art is by Mike Mignola, the creator of Hellboy. This is another one of those ComiCon goodies. I've gotta get myself to San Diego one of these Julys.

TMNT

As a child of the 80s, I grew up with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Their cartoon kicked ass. The original, live action movie is the reason I love trailers. And I'm pretty sure my mom has many of the original toy line stashed away somewhere in the attic. I've even got the first four trade paperbacks of the original comic book run, which is a lot more weird (indie-comic book weird) and hardcore than you might expect. (As a cool FYI, in the Turtles' origin story the Turtles get covered with an ooze that falls from a truck which swerves after almost hitting an old man who gets knocked out of the way by a younger man. The canister hits the young man in the eyes, then bounces down the sewer to mutate the Turtles. The young man's name is Matt Murdock, and the ooze blinds him but heightens his remaining senses and he later becomes Daredevil.)

Anyway, the San Diego ComiCon is going on right now, which means lots of cool stuff gets premiered, and one of them is the trailer for a new TMNT movie. Check it out here. It doesn't give you anything except cool visuals, but damn it looks good. I believe I'll probably be seeing this one in 07.

Happy Birthday to Me

Yesterday was my 26th birthday, and it definately feels weird being on the other side of the 25 year line. After work Kathreen and I went to the Twins game to see Liriano almost get his first complete game shutout (he lost it on an unearned run in the 9th), and then adjourned to The Independent where we met Java, Gregg and Kellie for some food and drinks. All in all not a bad B-Day. Still, Joe's Birthday (Observed) will occur this weekend. Because let's face it: I need a solid 3 days to properly celebrate my natal anniversary.

Jesus, MLK and...Ken Lay

Earlier this week Mr. Hanberg posted on Ken Lay's death, postulating that every reporter in the country would be trying to get proof that he committed suicide rather than go to prison. While that claim is still speculation, speaking at his funeral his friend Rev. Dr. Bill Lawson compared Lay to MLK and Jesus Christ. I haven't seen the MLK quote, but the Jesus comparison apparently was made because, like Christ, Lay "was crucified by a government that mistreated him."

Hmmm. Let's look at the two possibilities: one, that Lay was a saint who was snowed by a hostile government (which he had made countless donations to and was on a nickname basis with ol' W) and convicted of a crime he didn't commit, or two, that Lay was at the head of one of the biggest fiduciary misconduct cases of the last 50 years, caused thousands of people to lose crippling amounts of money and then was convicted by a jury of twelve people who thought he might have done something wrong.

I'm all for speaking well of the dead, but let's not rewrite history here, people.

Potlatch '06

So the picture on the left is what Mr. Eppig looked like at Potlatch this year. The picture on the right is what he looked like last year. You can see what he looked like two years ago by clicking on the Andrew Eppig link in the right margin. This is a man who is dedicated to his craft.

Anyway, Professor Booty turned in its best Potlatch performance ever, going 3-1 in pool play on the first day of the tournament (and we could have won the other game as well if we hadn't been a little worn out). On Sunday we were seeded 5th in the C pool, putting us in the top half of the field. And though we lost both our games Sunday, we had three game points in the first one (which we failed to score-and then we lost the second game on a hangover from the first game). The team that beat us finished at the top of the B pool last year.

For those of you unfamiliar with Ultimate, Potlatch is the largest co-ed tournament in the world. It consistently draws some of the best players and teams in the game (making it all the cooler that a team comprised mainly of CUT and Syzygy alums won the whole thing). For Booty to finish so high in the field is really, really impressive.

Of course, most of the credit goes to Matt "Genghis" Hahn. That guy is alright.

Back in MN

I returned from my annual Hajj last Friday. Many thanks to Mr. Hanberg, who was as always an excellent host. We spent two nights at his parent's cabin, where as always we played many games of both skill and luck. I couldn't buy a decent cribbage hand, but I did manage to take the two games of chess we played once we got back to Tacoma. He also took me to a Mariners game (absolutely amazing seats) where we saw them get shut out by Bartolo Colon and the Angels, and then we snuck in to an early screening of Pirates 2, which was excellent even from the second row, stage left.

Naturally, I went to another screening of P2 24 hours later with Java, Caleb and Carl. And seeing the movie twice in rapid succession like that, I noticed something. You twice see a heart-shaped locket in Davy Jones' possession (which playes music as well), but what you probably missed is that you've already seen one in the movie before. The first time Will, Jack and the gang visit the weird voodoo lady, Jack steals a ring off her table when she's getting him a jar of dirt. Sitting next to the ring on the table is a heart-shaped locket exactly like the one you later see Jones with. Coincidence? Joe thinks not. Let the speculation for Pirates 3 begin!

Superman Returns

I can tell you what I like about Richard Donner's original Superman movie in two words: Christopher Reeve. That's pretty much it. I like it when Reeve's onscreen, doing pretty much anything, except flying with Lois Lane while some crappy voice over recites a poem. The rest of the movie ranges from passable to painful. I didn't really like the way Lex Luthor was written (Gene Hackman did an excellent job, but I hated the character). The plot was ok but not great. And I didn't like how Supes got saved by Lex's henchwoman who suddenly had an attack of conscience.

However, if you read a lot of fanboy stuff (and I have), you will discover that I am in the minority in not liking Donner's Superman. Take Bryan Singer: he likes it. He likes it so much, he decided to make it. Not remake it, mind you, because this isn't a remake. No, as the saying goes, good writers borrow, great writers steal. Singer stole a lot of the plot of this movie from Donner's original. And from what I said before, you'd probably think that's a bad thing.

But you'd be wrong. Boy, how you'd be wrong. Because Singer kept what was good: the sense of heroism, the tension between Clark Kent and Superman, and the music. He got rid of the cheesy voice overs, and substituted real emotion and chemistry between Brandon Routh and Kate Bosworth. He tweaked Lex just enough to keep the sense of humor, style and showmanship, and gave him a dangerous edge that makes him much more of a threat. Singer keeps the henchwoman with a conscience, but doesn't give Supes such an easy out at the end. Basically the only thing that's not as good is Clark Kent, because Chritopher Reeve is dead. But Routh does an excellent job-I'm not complaining at all about his performance, because I thought he did a great job. But Reeve was just a little better as Clark. It was just a little more effortless, a little more real. But you don't notice. Because you're too busy looking at everything else.

And that of course, is Singer adds that Donner never could: ass-kicking action supported by massive special effects. The shuttle sequence is brilliant, the final sequence is wrenching, and Superman hasn't looked this good while flying since season 4 of Smallville. Once everything gets going, there's plenty of eye candy to go around.

The movie ultimately suceeds because Singer knows it's about more than Superman beating up on bad guys. It's about someone who embodies the best aspects of humanity, and has the power to do something about all the terrible things that happen in the world. All of them, all at once. Because he's Superman.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

It's the 4th of July weekend, and that means I'm heading out to Washington to play in my favorite frisbee tournament, Potlatch. For those of you who don't know, Potlatch is the largest co-ed ultimate tournament in the world, and it usually takes place over three days (when the 4th creates a true 3 day weekend, anyway). My college midcore team, Professor Booty, has been going to Potlatch for the last 3 years, and it's been fantastic every time.

And of course, I can't go out to Seattle and not stop by the fine city of Tacoma to visit my good friend, Mr. Hanberg, now can I? Every year I've gone to Potlatch, I've followed it up with a visit to Erik's hometown. It's a great trip, and I leave tomorrow night. So posts may be spotty for the next week. But I will post my Superman review before flying out.

Man in Black

Unless Jessica Alba walks into your house and starts doing a strip tease on your table in the middle of dinner, this is going to be the most beautiful thing you see today. If your computer can handle it, you have to go with the HD version. Who can't wait for next May? Watch this, and you won't be able to either.

Back to the Future

It's been all over the place, but I first saw it here on AICN. Since many of the best shows seem to get cancelled because brain-dead plebeians would rather watch Deal or No Deal, it's only fair that they get revived when half a billion people buy the DVDs. Futurama, which was the best cartoon on tv during its 4-5 seasons and one of the best comedies overall, has found new life on Comedy Central. Thirteen new episodes have been ordered and should premiere in 2008, just in time to swing the next presidental election in favor of Al Gore (Gore guest starred twice on the show and listed it as his favorite show when he was running for president). This is some of the most fantastic tv-news I've heard in a while. Now somebody just needs to get smart and put Firefly back on the air.

You wouldn't believe...

...What it takes to add a damn picture to your profile on this site. Well, I know Hanberg would, since he recently added a profile photo of himself. What I'm trying to say is, the only reason I'm posting this kick ass shot of me is so I can use it as my profile picture. That way you can look at my lovely mug every time you come to this site.

Being Sick Sucks

Sorry for the lack of posts recently. I've been feeling crappy and certain obligations have not allowed me to get the rest I need to put these microorganisms out of their misery. But I slept like 12 hours last night and I've been downing water like there's no tomorrow, so hopefully I will emerge victorious soon.

The Big News

I've been waiting to post this for over a week now, but I finally got the go-ahead from Mr. Bartley on Friday. Then my internet connection promptly went down for most of yesterday. Oh well. It's working now, so here we go:

Caleb Bartley is engaged.

The unluckily victim is his former girlfriend (now fiancee) Jodi, who he's been seeing for about 6 months now. They're moving to Dallas together sometime in July (probably), and Caleb has been talking about a engagement of 1-2 years.

Interesting Fact: when he proposed, he got down on one knee. Unfortunately, the knee he got down on didn't hit the floor, but instead came to rest on a dog's chewing bone. Ouch.

This is what I was being cagey about in my earlier post, and I would have posted the happy news sooner, but Caleb asked me to wait until he had personally told a few more people before it entered the public domain.

So, a massive congratulations to Mr. Caleb Bartley and Jodi (and I can't remember her last name right now-sorry Jodi!). And Caleb, get ready for a massive bachelor party.

Break out your brooms

With apologies to my friends in the Red Sox Nation, I'm exalting in the fact that the
Twins swept the BoSox yesterday. Mostly because we need the wins more than Boston, who's only a game behind the Yankees at this point. They can go get wins against someone else. The Twinkies, on the other hand, need to get wins against just about everybody right now. Let's hope they can actually win on the road this weekend against Pittsburgh.

As a side note, Ortiz and Francona were pissed when Ortiz's massive fly ball that would have shot into the upper deck hit a speaker and became the longest single ever. I understand they're pissed because they missed out on a homerun, but Francona compared the Dome to a mini-golf course with obstacles and said "the outcome of the game should never, never hinge on a speaker. That's stupid."

Well Terry, if Ramirez hadn't stuck out (twice) with the game on the line, you would have won. Also, you play in a park with a massive green wall that stops fly balls that would be home runs in other parks. Why are you so pissed off about the design of a stadium giving you trouble? And David, if you had actually hustled around the bases you could have easily gotten to 2nd on that hit, and then you would've had a chance to score instead of getting doubled off like some Galapagosian Tortoise on the next play.

Sittin' on a porch

I had an excellent evening last night with my good friend, Mr. Caleb Bartley, hanging out on my parent's porch, smoking cigars and drinking a wide range of scotch. Ahh, the good life. Props to Caleb for supplying the scotch and the impetus. We drank Highland Park, Glenkinchie, Caol Illa, Laphroaig and Bowmore. Appearently living in the UK for awhile has its advantages. Of course, coming back to the cities can present advantages of a different sort.


What? No, I'm not being cagey. You're imagining things.

Did Kerry Win?

This is the current cover story on Rollingstone.com. It's by Robert F. Kennedy Jr., it makes strong and incendiary accusations, and it's long. It's also a bit dry, because he examines, close up, the minutiae of how the 2004 presidential election played out in Ohio. He talks briefly about problems in other places, but his focus is Ohio, because that was the key state that won the election for Bush.

The thesis of the article is basically that there were massive, organized efforts by state GOP officials, as well as by people in the employ of the RNC, to swing the state to Bush by any means necessary. It's goal is not so much as to say that Bush was again elected illegally, but instead to shed light on the despicable tatics of the people involved and to provoke outcry at the fact that there has been no outcry before. The article is thoroughly researched, and includes footnotes on pretty much all of its claims. As I see it, there are four responses to reading this article:

1)Complete disbelief. The fact that the article was written by someone with the last name of Kennedy alone is enough to convince you that all the numbers and fixed, the facts are invented and the people mentioned should file lawsuits because of the lies printed about them. You also believe that Barry Bonds, bless his heart, has never used steriods and that democracy is blooming in Iraq.

2)Mild interest overwhelmed by apathy. You may think that something happened that shouldn't have, but it couldn't have affected the whole election, could it have? Anyway, the article was so damn long that it's not worth knowing, anyway. Someone else will take care of it.

3)Belief that it doesn't matter. You think that sure, the Republicans were clearly up to something sneaky, but the Democrats probably were too, you just don't hear about it because this article is clearly printed with a liberal bias. You believe there are two sides to every story and that numbers can be made to say anything. You also believe that global warming doesn't exist because there's still that one scientist with a degree from National American University that disagrees with every other scientist on the planet who actually know what they're talking about.

4)Belief that our electoral system is fucked up. Ultimately, this article and anything that happens because of it will not affect the outcome of the 2004 election. Bush will not be tossed out of office and Kerry will not be installed. It's only value, at this point, it to shed light on the events of the past so that we can learn from them in the future. Our electoral system is in desperate need of national reform, which you think would have happened after 2000. But no. Also, whether or not the actions of the people mentioned in the articles were enough to change the course of the election or not doesn't matter: it's clear that that's what they were trying to do. And that is amazingly disturbing.

I found this article to be very convincing, not because it had a smoking gun that proved there was fraud in Ohio in 2004. It doesn't, because if it did, all these people would be in jail right now. What it does present is a strong circumstantial case, supported by exit polling data and actual voter returns (could anybody disagree with idea that it makes no sense for Kerry toget less votes than a black liberal judge who supports gay marriage in 12 rural districts?). That lack of "hard" evidence is not because there isn't any: it's because people have tried very hard to cover it up. I would like to say that I'm shocked that I haven't heard about this before. But the truth is, the lack of media coverage on stories like this has become a recurring theme since Bush took office. Just one more disturbing thing to think about. As if we didn't have enough already.

Ahh, Slacking

What a weekend. I saw X3 Friday night, got up saturday morning and played frisbee for 3 hours in 90+ degree heat, came home and spent some time with Kathreen, got up Sunday to head over to the folks for an excellent afternoon of grilling and impromtu croquet (damn Java's massive comeback to beat me!). Then on Monday I did nothing. Well, not literally. I took like 2 naps and watched 4 episodes of South Park and had some food and read a bit. Really, it was too hot to do anything else. The whole weekend was massively hot, the hottest weather we've had all year. Because it's in the basement, my apartment can withstand hot days without heating up too much. But string them together and add in the fact that it didn't cool down enough at night, and it starts to cook. Fortuneately it's much better today.

X3: last time I posted I said I was nervous about this flick. After seeing, I can say it's an excellent movie. An excellent movie, but....but what? Well, if you're a comic book fan, the storyline of the Dark Phoenix lacks the scope and dramatic impact of the comics. For those of you who don't know, the Dark Phoenix Saga is still one of the greatest X-Men stories ever told. I highly doubt it would work if it was directly adapted from the comics, but I think it could have been done a little better. Also, I was hoping that after getting massively shortchanged in the first two movies, Cyclops would get some good screen time. Ahh, how wrong I was.

But these are all complaints from a comic book fan. This movie, taken on its own, is actually pretty good. Not as good as X2, but a nice follow up with some excellent action moments. It even has a couple of points where massive ethical dilemmas surface. I didn't feel like they were played out as much as they could have been (well, one wasn't anyway), but it was nice to see them in there. Perhaps more than any other comic book, the X-Men have always been a little more in the grey area when it comes to good vs evil. That's why Xavier and Magneto used to work together: their goals are essentially the same, it's just their methods differ (which, of course, makes all the difference). At a couple of different points in the movie, Magneto shows the level of respect he has for Xavier, which I liked a lot.

I did have a couple of problems with the movie just as a movie, but they're nitpicky at best (legitimate, but nitpicky). I will simply say this is an excellent movie, and when you see it, make sure you stay until the credits are over. Also, anyone who thinks that they aren't making anymore X movies is insane. $120 million over 4 days? Yeah, Hollywood just stops making sequels when the franchise is doing that good. Especially when the last two scenes of the film set up the next one.

I'm Apprehensive

For months what I heard about X-Men: The Last Stand was not good. The main problem seemed to be that Fox executives held a personal grudge against Bryan Singer for leaving the project to do Superman Returns, which led them to decide that they would show him, and that the movie would not only go ahead, it would come out before Singer's damn Superman movie. This led to a rushed production schuedule, which you don't want to do on this sort of movie. It also led to directorial problems, with Brett Ratner (of Rush Hour fame) ultimately getting the nod. Needless to say, Geekdom was not pleased.

So I'm going to the movie in a few hours. What I've heard so far is, fortuneately, not "Sweet Jebus, I'd rather be kicked in the nads than see that again," or even "Brett Ratner was a worse selection than Mario Williams." I've heard mixed-to-semi-positive reviews, but beyond that I've heard that it's a good movie for people unfamiliar with the comics. People familiar with the X-mythos seem to not like the movie so much.

Damn, it sucks to be me.

I'll let you know how it goes.

T-minus Four hours to insanity

Last week, after Lost had ended, my girlfriend Kathreen had the thought that she might not want to be in the same room as me after the season finale tonight. Her emotion was understandable, as I was in the midst of what has become a fairly standard post-Lost rant, generally revolving around me wanting to see the next episode. She reasoned that, as Lost is almost certain to end on an amazing cliffhanger (see the end of season 1), it would most likely produce in me some form of hysterical insanity. I theorized that I would enter some sort of hybernation/catatonic state after the end of the episode, which I will only emerge from sometime in September shortly before the third season premieres. We'll see who was right in a few hours.

Go Legislature, Go!

The Minnesota Legislature passed a bill late last night that will finally build a new, outdoor baseball stadium for the Twins. This is huge, since the Twins have been trying to get this built for the past decade with not-even-close success.

I love the Metrodome's quirks: the massive noise, the 3 inch strips around the dirt areas that make a ground ball do things that induce aneurysms in opposing managers, and, of course, the roof that colored like a baseball and then has round holes cut in the inside layer which helpfully reminds opposing players to keep their eye on the ball, lest it hit them in the head. I also love its history: the Minnesota Twins have never lost a World Series game in the Metrodome, and the last two games of the 1991 Series are indelibly etched in the memories of everyone in Minnesota who cared even a little bit about what was going on.

But the Metrodome is a football stadium, not a baseball stadium. All it takes to realise that is to sit along either the third or first base lines. Your choice is to either look into the outfield, where your seat is pointing, or to end up with a massive twist in your neck after looking toward home plate for 3 hours.

There have been a lot of protests over the new stadium, which is going to cost $522 million. The Twins' owner, Carl Polhad, is covering $130 million of that. The rest is coming from a .015% sales tax on Hennepin county (which covers Minneapolis and the surrounding suburbs, making it the most populous county in the state). This comes to an additional 3 cents on every $20 spent. The Legislature's involvement came in because the tax could not be put in place without a voter referendum, unless the Legislature gave the county an exemption. The Twins knew that referendum would kill the possibility of a new park, for one simple reason: people never vote for taxes. Never. So people who didn't want their tax dollars going toward a new stadium for billionaires (as they saw it) got very mad and protested, saying that if Polhad wanted a new stadium he should pay for it himself (like all sports team owners, he's very rich), and that public money shouldn't be used to support private business like this. Which is of course complete bullshit. Ignoring the obvious historical instances of the Federal government bailing out major corporations (like the airlines), cities routinely attract businesses by offering tax breaks and other incentives. This is just like that, except in this case instead of just creating jobs the city also gets a tourism boost, along with a better chance of hosting the All-Star game and (since the stadium will make the Twins more money which hopefully they will put back onto the field) hopefully the World Series. And like it or not, to be a major metropolitan area you need big league sports teams. This is the cost of keeping those teams. Build it right (unlike the dome, which was rushed and done on the cheap), and you won't have to worry about building another one for 80 years.

I'm pretty tired, so I have no idea if all that made any sort of coherent sense. I hope so. More posts tomorrow.

This message comes to you from Station 5, The Pearl

As I was watching Lost I think I actually felt my brain sprain itself trying to keep track of everything. Not only did Eko and Locke find...something, but the damn show put a Hanso Foundation commerical into the actual commericals right in the middle of the show.

Oh, and why couldn't Libby get two more words out? And is Sawyer not the coolest SOB on that whole island?

Is Baseball the Craziest Sport Ever?

Probably, for the following reason:
My MN Twins kicked some Texas tail today. At the end of the 3rd inning they were up 10-0 and cruising to victory. Carlos Silva, the Twins starting pitcher, ran into a little trouble in the 6th inning and got pulled for a reliever, Francisco Liriano at the beginning of the 7th inning. When Liriano entered the game the score was 11-5. Not a close game. In fact, barring a decision by the Twins coaching staff to require all fielders to replace their gloves with live Halibut for the rest of the game, the Twins were going to win this one. But when I look at the final stat line, I notice something (partially because I have Liriano on one of my fantasy baseball teams, so this affects me). Liriano, after pitching 3 innings during which a 6 run lead was increased to a 10 run lead, was credited with a Save. A stat designed to measure the success of pitchers who pitch in the most high pressure situations, with the game on the line: a single bad pitch and your team could lose instead of win. And Liriano gets one after 3 innings of mop-up duty.

This probably has to rank up there with the lowest-pressure saves ever earned in a ball game. The crazier thing is, someone (a baseball stat professional, that is) could probably take 5 minutes and give me a rundown of the 10 widest margins of victory in games where a save was earned.

What a nutty sport.

Stop Fucking with my mind, JJ Abrams!

Saw M:I:III on Saturday. Very good spy/action flick. Harry's AICN review was extremely accurate when he said it was True Lies without the humor. 'Cause that's what it is. Badass spy stuff with the badass spy consequences (that is, having to deal with Phillip Seymore Hoffman shooting your wife in the head while she's tied up in a chair). Also, this movie has Shaun of the Dead in it (I believe his name is Simon Pegg). He's the tech-buddy who helps TomKat...I mean Ethan Hunt out when he's desperate in Shanghai. But that's not what I'm here to talk about...

So I watched the movie with my friends Carl and Java. And then we sat and watched the credits. And they slowly went by, which I didn't mind because I was still processing the movie. But then they came to the end: you know, the bit where the producers thank people and organizations for helping to make the movie possible instead of paying them.

But one thing stood out. I don't know why I saw it, but the last organization thanked on the list was The Hanso Foundation. I said to myself, that sounds familiar. Then my brain clicked into gear and I began to curse JJ Abrams because he's a bastard. Anyone who's seen season 2 of Lost knows that the Hanso Foundation is behind the Dharma Initiative, the big mystery of season 2 (like the Smoke monster was the mystery of season 1). But seeing that on the screen just about blew my mind. Why do you torture me, JJ Abrams! Does the Hanso Foundation really have anything to do with M:I:III? Could all JJ Abrams projects be connected? Will Kirk and Spock be reveiled to be descendents of Jack and Kate? What will happen next?!

Bonjour, M. Bond

Mr. Hanberg recently posted the new 007 French teaser. For those of you (like me) who don't speak French, and find it odd for Mr. Bond to be speaking it, go here for the English version. Don't know why it's not getting more attention-I think it looks pretty good. I won't pass judgement on Daniel Craig yet, but I will say if I had had the casting reigns, Clive Owen would have gotten strong consideration.

The Shocker!

Amazing end of Lost tonight. Left me speechless. Absolutely couldn't believe it. I heard nothing about this. Nothing. Best show on tv, hands down. Anyone who says otherwise has been eating Marigold seeds. Which appearently is gaining popularity (again-first time was in the 70s, when methodical hippies appearently tried every substance on earth to see if it would make them high) amoung high school students. But that's neither here nor there. The cliffhanger at the end of Lost's first season was one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen-the best since the famous TNG Borg cliffhanger at the end of season 3. If there are three episodes left after this one, I shudder to think what we're in for.

It's a Plane

I watch two tv shows regularly on tv: Lost, the greatest hourlong drama I've ever seen, and Smallville, which follows Clark Kent as he grows up on the farm. It's not the greatest show ever (see previous sentence), but I'm a sucker for superpowers and Smallville is actually a pretty quality show most of the time. That said, there's nothing like seeing the big man on the big screen. I'm psyched for Superman Returns, and even more so now that the full length trailer came out today. I've watched it three times so far, and I like what I see. A lot of comic book fans hold up the original Richard Donner Superman as one of the better comic book movies ever made. I feel this to be total crap, as the movie is, in my opinion, almost total crap. The exception is any scene with Christopher Reeve in either persona (although he's better as Clark), which is good because that means he saves a good part of the movie. But any movie that has the cheesiest spoken-word-poem-voiceover ever conceived of by man or god gets a black mark in my book. Hopefully, Bryan Singer is more intelligent than that. He did an excellent job with the X-movies, so I think he knows what he's doing.

Quick! Go see that trailer!

This one's for you, Java

For those of you who know him, Java Fortran is a cool guy. He does, however, have strange predilections when it comes to pizza toppings. This one's for Java.

PS I hope I don't get sued for posting this image. R, TM and all rights reserved by the dude who made it.

Best Captain Ever?

So how did my Ultimate team, TBA, fair in its first tourney of the season two weekends ago at GAC?

Well, we went 4-2, winning the four games against the teams we were clearly better than, and losing the two games we played against teams that were at our competitive level. But we did have some positive signs that we are starting to gel as a team, which is good.

But more importantly, at my first tournament as captain, the team became famous. That's right, the literary giant that is the Mankato Free Press deigned to recognize us in print. I take full credit by way of a very simple formula.

Last year: Joe not captain. Articles written about TBA=0.
This year: Joe is captain. Articles written about TBA=1.

I don't think you need a math degree to see that that formula makes a lot of sense. As if that wasn't enough, we were also on TV.

Certainly puts me in the running for captain of the year, doesn't it?

Quote of the Day

"Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens."
-Gimli Gloin's son.

"Maybe, but let him not vow to walk in the dark, who has not seen the nightfall."
-Elrond Halfelven

Mr. Twig is Fucking Weak

Just finished watching the Chef Aid episode of South Park in the second season, when Mr. Garrison finally gets rid of Mr. Twig after Mr. Hat visciously attacks him (Mr. Twig, that is). Like the boys, I'm psyched to have Mr. Hat back, because Mr. Twig did indeed suck ass.

In answer to your question, no, I haven't gone insane.

Dickensian Twist

I first heard about this from Mr. Hanberg. Seems David Copperfield and two of his assistants got robbed by some teenagers with guns (aren't they cute?). Erik seemed to think that the part where Copperfield pulled a little slight-of-hand was a nice bit of propaganda, but ultimately bullshit.

I have to agree with you, Erik. You're a little cynical. Especially that line about how Copperfield should have made their guns disappear instead of just hiding his wallet.

First of all, I don't know what David Copperfield looks like. If I'm a punk kid with a gun looking to rob someone in West Palm Beach, all I see is a rich looking dude with two hot chicks. Second, while I can't comment on Copperfield's ability as a magician, I have to imagine that he's pretty damn good when it comes to the easy stuff, like making it look like you've got nothing while you stick a dove in a guy's ear to pull out later. Third, good magicians can make people who are watching closely miss what's going on. Again, if I'm a kid mugging some guy in what sounds like a pretty populated area, I'm nervous, twitchy, and eager to take the $500 and 200 Candyland dollars (ie Euros) and get the hell out of there. I'm not exactly conducting a thorough search. Fourth, "Copperfield read the license plate number of the car to an assistant while she called 911". I'm guessing this was accomplished with his cell phone, which he was able to hide from the muggers. The kids are in jail now, by the way.

So I'm guessing that David was finally able to put his skills to good use. I mean, all he was able to do until now was stupid tricks that netted him millions of dollars and supermodels. Now he's actually done something worthwhile.

Tournament!

First ultimate tourney is tomorrow and Sunday at GAC. I expect it to look like this. I'll be the guy holding the disc, thank you very much.

Doyle's

Hanberg, I'm jealous. And if I find Magner's, I'll try it immediately. Otherwise it might have to wait until my annual Washington trip in July.

Cool News

When it comes to movies, I listen to four sources. First, my friends, since I have a decent sense of what sort of movies they like, and I can discern from conversation whether or not I'd like the film. Second, Rotten Tomatoes, because I think it's a good (although not perfect) barometer of a movie. The last two are the only two critics I really listen to. The first (or third by the first method of counting) is Peter Travers of Rolling Stone, although if I already want to see a movie I generally don't read his full review, since he usually gives away more spoilers than I like. The last is Harry Knowles of AICN. I don't have the breath of movie experience that he does, but I've found that a thumbs up from him is a pretty good indication that I'm going to enjoy a movie.

I am therefore understandably new excited about MI: 3. It was reviewed by Harry a few days ago, ago and received an ethusiastic endorsement. Harry compared it to True Lies, which to me is, along with The Rock, one of the best action/comedies to come out in the last 10 years. Now MI: 3 is the directorial debut of J.J. Abrams, the creator of Alias and Lost, the later being the best show on tv. So we know the director has some serious skills. Harry compared MI: 3 to True Lies because, as he said, "Had scene after scene [of True Lies] not been hit with jokes throughout... well, it would have been amazing [as a serious spy flick]. It would have been... Mission Impossible 3." By the way, those ellipses are his, not mine.

So now, where I was merely interested in seeing MI: 3, since the first two were either headache-inducing or vapidly soulless, I am now officially excited.

And today, I got more officially excited. Not about MI: 3, but about Star Trek. Because the next movie has been announced for 2008. And directing will be none other than the same J.J. Abrams. And who will the movie feature, you ask? There's no current Trek series. The TNG crew is getting older and don't fit into their uniforms as well as they used to (as we saw in the Enterprise finale). No, instead JJ will get the reins on a couple of guys named Kirk and Spock, and will detail their meeting at Starfleet Academy and their first space mission. Recasting the two seminal characters of classic Trek will be tricky, but if I was going to put anyone in charge, it'd be the guys who produce Lost (because, at this point, I'm ready to put them in charge of just about everything). And how much do you want to bet we get to see Nimoy and Shatner in space garb one more time?

Just one more reason why Lost is the greatest show ever: it gets its incredibly talented creators jobs like this.

Humpty Dumpty

When I was doing draft research for fantasy baseball, I heard a lot of hype about Felix Hernandez, the Mariners' 20 year old phenom. But I didn't read anything quite as funny as this. For those of you who don't know, pitching in major league baseball is pretty damn strenuous, and some teams (coughCUBScough) have had serious problems with their young pitching stars getting seriously and continuously injured. But it's still fricking hilarious. Again, go here.

In my defense

I'm playing in three fantasy baseball teams this year. In the last three days, I've started a total of 3 A's pitchers over my three teams (Dan Haren twice and Joe Blanton once). The A's, of course, were playing the Twins for the last three games. Now, in my defense, the A's had just pitched an excellent series against the Mariners, and had been playing well in general. The Twins, on the other hand, had been hitting the ball as if they were using week-old carp instead of bats. I was hoping the Twinkies would snap out of it, and maybe take 2 of 3. But I didn't expect them to score a lot of runs: I expected the Twins pitching to wake up, hold the A's to at most 3 runs, and the Twins would win by a run or two.

Now, of course, Haren and Blanton's stat lines are killing my pitching stats this week, because they both got hammered. Big time. To the tune of 7 earned runs in 6 innings. That's not the sort of thing that's friendly to your ERA, people.

So naturally I'm ecstatic that the Twins swept the A's. I just wish I had guessed that they were going to do it in such convincing fashion. Let's hope they can keep it up with the fucking Yankees in town this weekend.

Does Joe possess the Technological Savvy of Hanberg?

Maybe. Can you see this? Man, that is one heck of a neck beard. Go me!

Hanberg is right.

That is the coolest thing ever. At least until the next coolest thing ever.

Not weirder than the Smoke Monster

As the last episode of Lost until May came to a close, Kathreen and I both agreed that, despite the many weird things that continually happen on that kick-ass island, there is nothing weirder than the Smoke Monster, who has been absent since its face-off with Eko. Not the Hatch, not the Dharma Institute, not the Others, nothing.

Speaking of Lost, Lost kicks ass. Kate and Jack finally playing nice again? Michael back? Locke cured of his button obsession? May has never seemed so far away. And when are we going to find out who won this year's Island Open?

They're trying to take Java's stuff, man...

I think we all know what the obvious response to this is. That's right, we must return Java to his native land so he can be elected Govenor on the platform of securing his people's right to smoke pot.

Are you a pompous ass?

Then you might want to buy a $1,000.00 Mint Julep at the Kentucky Derby this year. Served to you in a 24 carat gold plated cup with a silver straw, this insane drink will be made from Kentucky Bourbon (I'm assuming a very valuable, single-barrel bourbon), Moroccoan mint, Artic ice and sugar from the South Pacific (I don't know if they will sing showtunes to you while you drink it). Oh, and you get to watch master mixologists make it in front of you. Be sure to get yours early, though. They'll only make 50 of them.

It's not all crazy, though. Proceeds will go to a charity that finds homes for old race horses.

Also, if you're looking for just a regular mint julep, appearently the Derby is your annual Hajj. They sell 90,000 regular ones there every year (and by regular, I mean ones served in pewter or silver cups).

More here.

Greatest Major Ever?

Man, did I make the wrong choice in college. I'm sitting watching the NCAA finals, and one of the Florida players was shooting a free throw. CBS chose this moment to inform us all that his major was...Leisure Management.

Wow. Pack my bags, I'm going back to school. I can't wait to find out what the requirements are for a Leisure Management Major. Also, can you imagine what sort of jobs you'd be able to apply for?

The mind boggles.

Joe, did you go to Geneva?

Yes, I did. And I know I should post about it. And I will, soon. But I work at 6am tomorrow, and I'm going to bed.

Kong is King

King Kong comes out on DVD today, in single disc and two disc "special edition" versions. But because I know PJ (not personally, mind you), I figured I'd look around online to see if there was a special extended edition planned, a la LotR. And indeed, in this interview, PJ says that they're just waiting for Universal's OK to start putting it together for later this year (hmm, what time of year did the LotR ones come out again?). Also, he mentions that the super-happy-fun LotR ginormous box set will be something that will probably happen when the new HD DVD systems get launched. If you've never heard me describe the Character Farewells that Barry Osborn showed a theater full of people at the end of a speech, well...you're missing out on a five to ten minute ramble that ends with me saying they're the funniest damn things ever and I want to own them. Word is that they would be included on this hypothetical box set.

*Sigh* Looks like New Line is going to be getting another $100 or so off me in the next five years.

News Via Hanberg

So I had no idea that Israel's elections were taking place yesterday/today until I read Mr. Hanberg's blog saying that he hadn't heard anything before he went to bed. Well, exit polls are showing that Sharon's centralist Kadima Party claimed the most seats in the Knesset, with Labour second and Likud fourth (third is the Yisrael Beitenu Party, which is appearently so unknown that all the info I've seen on it says that it's made up primarily of Russian Immigrants-let the Anti-Commie insane conspiracy rhetoric start now!).

This is pretty big stuff, since this is the first time in 30 years that the government won't be formed by Labour or Likud. Sharon's successor, Ehud Olmert has said that the government will redefine and solidify Israel's borders over the next four years. Not a surprise, seeing as how this election is being seen as an affirmation of Sharon's decision to pull all Israeli settlers out of the Gaza strip.

Personally, I think this could be a very good thing, depending on how the coalition comes together. During my senior year at Carleton, I took a history class called the Modern Middle East, and I remember the first time I looked at a map of the Gaza Strip and the West Bank that showed all the settlements. It was ridiculous. There were so many settlements, on the West Bank in particular, that I felt it was a brilliant piece of propaganda by Israel to convince the rest of the world that it was a piece of Palestinian territory. I thought pulling out of Gaza was a good move, and if Israel surrenders land on the West Bank over the next four years I think it will be a big step toward making the area more secure.

However, we now have a centrist party in control in Israel, and a Hamas-led government for the Palestinians. Hmmm. Things may get interesting here. And not necessarily the good kind of interesting, either.

Read more here.

It's Amazing...

...What a little exercise can do. In preparation for my first frisbee practice this weekend, I went running for the first time in awhile (before you get the wrong idea, I've been doing other exercises as well, it's just today that I finally went running). Man, it wiped me out a bit, but after a bit of streching and getting my wind back, I'm not feeling too bad. Hopefully this means my first practice as Captain won't be spent gasping for breath on the sidelines.

1,854

According to ESPN, 1,854 out of approximately 3 million brackets that people filled out on its website for the NCAA Tournament had George Mason advancing to the Final Four. Of those, only four people-that's right, four-chose all four Final Four teams correctly. The winner gets $10,000. How fricking lucky are these four guys? And the guy who's in the lead right now picked George Mason accidentally. He thought it was George Washington.

Read more here.

Quote of the Day

"What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you simply born with a heart full of neutrality?"

-Zap Brannigan
"Brannigan Begin Again"
Futurama

"I want these motherfucking snakes off the motherfucking plane!"

Sorry about the lack of posts from Geneva, but the day after the one post I was able to get up, Mr. Eppig's internet went irrevocably down for the rest of our visit. I didn't even get to check my email (except for 3 minutes at CERN, the physics lab where Andrew works). Anyway, I've got a ton of stuff I want to post about, but I can't pass this one up. I'd heard about Snakes on a Plane on AICN, but I didn't really pay that much attention. But now New Line has gone back to do some more shooting on the film because of the massive, unexplainable fan base that has suddenly materialized for this movie. The movie stars Samuel L. Jackson, and so many people wanted him to say the above line that it actually will be in the movie. People are weird, but I'm actually thinking this will be a pretty cool flick. Read more about it here.

Made It!

Well, I had no time to post the four or five things I've been meaning to do before I flew out to Geneva yesterday, so I thought I would let everyone know that I have arrived in Switzerland, in the sense that I got there and left again. I'm in France right now (Andrew's apartment is in France, where it's cheaper to live). Haven't been anywhere yet, but then again I'm still reeling from the flights (kids on flights suck, and we had to run to make our connection after sitting on the tarmac in MSP for an hour that ate up our layover time). Anyway, more info as I'm able to post. And when I get back, hopefully I'll have posts on Kirby, Ultraviolet (for the love of god, don't see it!), and other stuff.

Live Draft

My fantasy baseball draft is happening in just under 2 hours. I'm very excited, as I really like fantasy baseball when I played last year for the first time. I'm also the commissioner of the league, and I put a lot of work into actually getting everyone into the league. Hopefully I don't draft from the bottom of the order this year.

Help!

I'm man enough to admit when I have a problem. Unless it involves opening something, lifting something, or getting directions to somewhere. But I can admit this: I'm addicted to itunes.

It just happened so fast. I knew when I got my new computer for X-mas that I'd get itunes, because I'd seen it on friend's computers and it looked easy to use, with a good number of options. I also liked the idea of being able to buy songs for a buck (as opposed to paying a monthly fee, which I'm always wary of). But after using it for a couple months now, I'm starting to get scared.

It's just so damn easy. I think I've bought like 6 or 7 songs in the past two weeks. And there's no reason to stop, because that's still only like $7, i.e. massively affordable. I loved downloading free music from the various file sharing systems along with everyone else in college, but with the demise of a lot of those programs, combined with the fact that itunes downloads the songs in like 2 seconds with predictable quality, I have no problem with paying for music. But now I'm afraid I may not be able to stop. Help! Help me before I spend money I can easily afford on music I like again!


ps Just in case you're wondering what I've bought recently, here's a list:
Bom Bom Bom-Living Things
Nth Degree-Morningwood
Gold Lion-Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Come Baby Come-K7
Nothing is Wrong-Gomez
The Road Leads where its Lead-Secret Machines
Beautiful-Moby
Aint No Easy Way-Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
Three Strange Days-School of Fish
All Mixed Up-311

Cantalopes are funny

If you don't believe me, just read this article. Not only is it frickking hilarious, but it pretty much sums up my attitude toward Barry Bonds, except that my attitude toward Bonds includes the word "dickhead."

Black and White

Just a quick post tonight before I go back to bed (a massive nap got away from me).

Check out this. It's an advance image of the teaser poster for Spider-Man 3, probably the most anticipated comic book movie out there right now. Here's the kicker: it's supposedly a color photo. Rumor is that Spidey will be sporting a version of his famous Black costume.

For anyone who doesn't know, Spidey's black costume (which he found in space-long story, don't ask) turns out to be a somewhat psychotic alien symbiot who tries to get Spidey to kill people and generally go on a rampage. After he ditches it (the symbiot is vunerable to sonic waves), the suit finds another poor sap by the name of Eddie Brock and turns into Venom, who became one of Spidey's deadliest and most popular villians. If Sam Rami is indeed going to do a story with the black costume/Venom, this movie will very likely kick severe ass.

This shot looks great. It's gracing the desktop of my computer right now. The only problem is, it's wrong. Check out this fan art of a classic adaptation of the traditional costume. Now, they both look cool, but come on. There's a reason they call it classic, people!

A new outrage

With South Dakota one signature away from outlawing abortion in order to force the recently recreated Supreme Court to revist the issue, I'm going to start the public outcry against what I'm suggesting we call Activist Legislators. Unike Activist Judges who try and legislate from the bench, forcing our society to accept that all people have the same rights and prevent Bush's God-given right to spy on all of us in the tub, Activist Legislators try to adjudicate from Congress. I fully expect the country's politicians to see the parallel and soon start protesting these lawless individuals.

I could rant for hours about the social ass-backwardness of this country and this administration, but it's 1am, and I'm going to bed (I'll make the one exception to say that it's all Caleb's fault). Check out this editorial in the StarTrib for a good, simple opinion on gay marriage. Oh, and Hanberg, if you're reading this, I'll try and give you a call tomorrow (Monday). Sign up for the damn fantasy baseball league, damnit!

Big news for frisbee Joe

So tonight my frisbee team, TBA, had the much-planned meeting to determine how we wanted to approach the season. There was a lot of talk and relatively little beer consumed, and I was actually surprised by how productive we were. But the super cool news for me is that I was chosen as the third team captain. Last year we worked with two captains, and both those guys were reelected, and I got the third spot. This is the first time that I've been a captain for a team on this level. I was nominated for captain of GOP for my senior year, but didn't get it (out of four nominations, the two guys who were the best choices got the spots, so I was ok with that). But this was somewhat of a surprise, since I hadn't really thought about the possibility of three captains, and if I had I wouldn't have figured on getting the last spot myself. I'm super excited about it, although I think it'll take me a while to get into the captain mindset. An interesting season awaits. Hopefully I won't go mad with power.

Look out, Java!

Ha! I have fixed the damn super-spacing issue that has been haunting me for months! I'm going to put this on my resume and get a job as a IT troubleshooter.

You heard me: Curling fucking Rocks!

It's the sensation that sweeps the Olympics every four years. Curling rules. For reasons why, click here. Also, look for Erik Hanberg in the stands looking post-orgasmic as he witnesses Olympic curling firsthand not once, but twice.

Hanberg! Steal a Gold Medal!

Waves of jealousy go out to Mr. Erik Hanberg, who has got to be leaving soon for Turino, where he will be taking in the Olympics in just a few days. I don't know how he's going to cope, because the last few times he's been here he's called The Grand (the movie theater he runs) somewhere in the neighborhood of 3 or 4 times a minute. I hope he'll be able to relax and enjoy the games, because I don't think he'll be able to do that from Italy.

I think he'll be seeing two Curling matches, a US hockey game, downhill skiing and ski jumping while he's there. Aside from just hanging out and making everyone who knows him sick with envy.

Look out, WTO-Kreuser's coming

So $1100-odd later, I've bought the tickets. Kathreen and I will be in Geneva from March 13-20 visiting Mr. Andrew Eppig, who has promised to show us the sounds, sights and wonders of Geneva, which has some sort of deal with all media agencies that it will be referred to as an "international city". I'm just assuming that last part because whenever I look for info on it that's invariably what comes up.

Anyway, I'm super psyched, as I haven't been out of the country since going to Japan to see my sister in May of '03, and I haven't been out of MN (other than Wisconsin, and that doesn't count) since my annual Potlach/visit Hanberg trip last July.

The best at what he does

You know, with taking a bullet at the end of last season and his plucky trek across the island with the tailies to get back to the camp, I had started to think that maybe Sawyer had lost his edge. Without his "stash" to create conflict over, there just weren't as many clashes between him and people. And with the introduction of queen Bitch Ana-Lucia and the huge, badass Mr. Eko, I kind of thought Sawyer might be getting kicked off the A team. I thought he'd gone soft, getting chummy with Jin and Michael on the way back.

No longer. Holy Shit, that was probably the best written episode of Lost all season. Kathreen and I sat and watched and tried to figure out the con while it was going on-not that it helped any. I think the only time we got ahead of the curve was in figuring out the accomplice. For those of you who aren't watching Lost...start. Right now. Pay whatever money you need to get caught up, because this is the best show on tv. Period. Now the new Sheriff has all the guns, and as he says himself "I'm not a good guy."

Are you sure that was the Seahawks?

My sympathies to all the Seahawk fans out there on losing the Super Bowl. It was odd because it looked like the 'Hawks were channeling the Vikings of the last several years (not this last one, because they sucked). First, they got screwed by the refs. I'm sorry, Roethlisberger did not get the football into the endzone on that dive. His head, yes. The football, no (well, after he had been down for 30 seconds). Also, that was the cheapest offensive pass interference call I've seen since Moss was in town. I know the receiver put his hand on the guy and made it look like a push off, but the amount of force was clearly so negligable that the defender didn't even rock backwards on his feet. Since Roethlisberger's run was on 3rd down, we can call this an 11 point swing (+7 to Seattle for the touchdown, and -4 to Pittsburgh for kicking a field goal instead of getting into the endzone). That ties the game and sends it into overtime, where the championship gets to be decided by a coin toss (yippee!). But it would have at least been exciting.

However, you can't blame it all on the refs. Like the Vikes, the Seahawks compounded the officiating mistakes by making two boneheaded decisions. First, Holmgren's decision not to go for the 4th & inches in the second quater. I know he was on his own 25 or whatever, but it's the biggest game of the year and he should have known his defense couldn't hold Pittsburgh back forever (up until that point they had done a fantastic job). Madden & Michales said Holmgren couldn't risk giving the ball up so close to the goal, that it would swing momentum. But then the Steelers took the ball and drove in for their non-touchdown touchdown. I'm sorry, but 4 & inches (especially the short inches that it was) should be a no-brainer in the NFL, wherever you are on the field. The other boneheadedness came out during the 'Hawks 2-minute drill, when they wasted a ridiculous amount of time trying to get one play off. Hasselbeck audibled through I think the entire playbook, and Holmgren appearently kept calling in new plays. It was a moment worthy of Denny Green, who is widely acknowledged as the worst clock manager on the planet.

So it was half the refs fault and half Seattle's fault. I have to put the Steelers as a distant third in terms of factors that decided the game.

V for Vendetta

So a couple weeks ago I found myself in Borders with a $25 gift card looking for something to buy. The new Get Fuzzy book wasn't out yet, and not only did they have a horrible selection of P.G. Wodehouse novels, but they put them in the "humor writing" sextion next to the "How to Survive a Zombie Attack" books. What the hell is wrong with people? Wodehouse was probably the best comic novelist and one of the great writers of the 20th century. His books do not belong on the same shelf as a book about surviving zombie attacks (not that I have anything against those books, but come on, people!).

But I digress.

Not having found anything that really inspired me, I picked up Alan Moore's V for Vendetta, mostly because I excited about the movie and thought it would be good to read the original text before seeing the adaptation. It hadn't been high on my list of graphic novels I wanted to pick up, but like I said, there was a derth of other choices.

Now, I've heard some excellent things about the movie, particularily that it's true to the source material. I also heard the same thing last year about Sin City, which turned out to be a fantastic movie (brutal, yes, but fantastic). I'm hoping that V for Vendetta turns out similarly: the graphic novel is excellent. Well paced, nuanced, and articulate. It's not quite as sophisticated or inventive as Watchmen, Moore's opus, but his talents are on full display. Although Moore wrote this in a very different political climate (in the 80s, toward end of the cold war), the ideas it raises about freedom and governments should resonate strongly with people in the current climate. If the movie kicks even close to as much ass as the graphic novel, it's going to be a much bigger hit than people are expecting.

The movie comes out March 17th. I'll be there opening night.

Worst Month Ever?

Whenever a winter thaw rolls around, I always get pissed at weathermen who take the stance that warm weather is good and cold weather is bad. No one ever says this, but it's implicit in the way most forecasters speak. Now, I like summer as much as anyone. I like nice, warm sunny days that you can hang out and enjoy. But once it hits Halloween (the anniversary of the famous 1991 blizzard), then it's winter, damnit. There's a line from a Calvin and Hobbes strip where Calvin says "If I was in charge, we'd never see grass between October and May." I'd maybe shorten it to April, but I'm right there with him. Winters should be snowy and cold all the way through. No wishy-washy "oh, it's cold now," and then "ok, now it'll be 40 degrees out" crap.

That's why this January has been so damn horrible. Not only has it been warm, it's been the warmest January since 1846. That's 160 years, and even that's not certain, since it's based on unofficial temperature data that was kept at Fort Snelling. And it hasn't just been warm for January. In terms of degrees above average, this is the warmest month (I think) ever. Totally ridiculous. It's snowed, then melted. Then rained. Then snowed again. Then melted. You get the idea. The total opposite of what winter is supposed to be. And all I've heard all month is forecasters telling me the long term projections show no change in the weather patterns. I want my Alberta Clipper, goddamn it! I want it to snow 3 feet, then deep freeze to 20 below for a week and a half, then get back up to 25 so it can snow again. Stupid weather.

At least January is over now. Tomorrow is the 10 year anniversary of the coldest temp ever recorded in MN: -60 in Tower. I remeber that day very clearly, and it was awesome (all the schools in the state were closed by the governor). So maybe the gods of winter will take pity on us and use this anniversary to start getting things back to the way they should be around here. Say, I think I just read a report that said some long-term forecasts were seeing temps drop sometime next week...

Oscar Noms

Bloggin' from work today. Oh yeah.

After King Kong was pretty much shut out of the pre-Oscar awards, I knew it wasn't really going to be a player, but I'm still disappointed it didn't even get any major nominations. It did suffer from what I think is a pretty strong field (and I haven't seen Brokeback or Capote yet, who seem to be the two biggest winners in terms of noms), particularily in films of the type that tend to win awards. But I still would have liked to at least see it get a nod, especially for PJ as best director.

Also, did anyone else notice that none of the best picture nominees have a corresponding best actress nomination?

If I have a crappy network, and you have a crappy network...

Then together we can have one, big crappy network! That seems to be the reasoning behind the merger of UPN and the WB networks that was announced today. They're going to combine and become one network called "CW". I predict this name will last as long as it takes for everyone on the planet to tell whoever is running this damn thing that the name sucks ass.

I'm being uncharitable, of course. No, not about the name, but about the networks. It's true in the larger extent, but each network has its bright spots: the WB has Smallville, and UPN has the rights to a new Star Trek series. Put those two together, and you've got a winner, right?

If this happened last season, I'd be worried about Smallville being cancelled. But it's kicking so much ass this season that I highly doubt "CW" will pull it. In fact, it might be the most popular show either network has, and if it's not, it's in the top three. So I'm guessing Smallville is in no danger.

I am serious about the rights to Star Trek, though. If I'm putting a new network on the air, I think an announcement about a new Trek series might generate some interest. It may not happen in its first year (fall 2006), but I can't imagine that even the blind lemurs they get to run these networks will keep something with Trek's track record in the drawer for too long. I guess we'll find out.

Working at 6:30 in the morning...

...sucks ass. Hello, ass! Joe needs a nap.

Ms. Howard, avoid bridges at all costs

Anyone who knows me will find it easy to believe that Unbreakable is one of my favorite movies from the past five (I guess six now, damn freaking new year) years. I was amazed that a Hollywood studio exec would let anyone make such an excellently paced superhero movie that had almost no superheroics in it at all. I've been a fan of M. Night Shyamalan since then. I had been semi-impressed with The Sixth Sense (I saw it after it had been hyped to the ceiling, which might explain my more subdued response), and I really liked what he did with Signs. I also enjoyed his most recent movie, The Village, quite a bit. I felt it was not as strong as Unbreakable or Signs, mostly because the plot twist was more transperant. However, the story is compelling and well told, and the visuals are extremely good as well. With a cast that included powerhouses Adrian Brody, Walking Phoenix, William Hurt and Sigourney Weaver, one of the most notable performances was from Opie's daughter, Bryce Dallas Howard. The performance was good enough to earn her the role Nicole Kidman gave up in Lars Von Trier's sequel to Dogville, Manderlay.

But AICN has just announced that BDH has been cast in her greatest role to date, as Gwen Stacey in Spider-Man 3. In the comics, Gwen Stacey is the sweet and beautiful Girl Next Door that Peter Parker wanted all his life but had significant trouble getting. In other words, the character that Mary Jane became in the movie. In the comics, Mary Jane Watson shows up later when Peter's Aunt May tries to set him up with her friend's niece. MJ is movie-star gorgeous, with a wild party personality. She flirts with Pete who still wants Gwen, but then the Green Goblin throws her off the George Washington Bridge. When Spider-Man catches her by her ankle with his webbing, her head snaps back and breaks her neck and she dies (sound like a tragic version of the ending of the first movie?). Pete of course ends up with MJ, but Gwen's death is an influence on him that's eclipsed only by the memory of his Uncle Ben. It'll be very interesting to see what they do in the movie. I'm very excited to find out.

It's also ironic that they cast Kirsten Dunst, a blond, as the redheaded MJ, and BDH, a redhead, as the blond Gwen Stacey.

Who wants to kick Zeke's Ass?

I think I speak for everyone who saw Lost tonight when I say that I really wanted to see Jack, Locke or Sawyer shoot the bastard (I do love the fact that he will forever be refered to by Sawyer's nickname for him). It wouldn't have been the best idea, and probably would have ended very badly. But I would have loved to see the look on his face. On a side note, he very neatly sidestepped the Ethan question.

Also, in regards to the final line of the episode, why would Jack be talking to Ana-Lucia about this? Why not go talk to Sayid, who was actually in the army?

A question for anyone who may know: did we know before this episode that Jack was divorced vs. being a widower?

Sleepless in North Minneapolis

This is a little late, but big congratulations are in order for my friend Dustin and his wife, Angelique, who gave birth last Monday (the 9th) to their daughter Kara. She was born at 10:41am and weighed 8 lbs. 3oz., which, I was informed, is more than I weighed when I was born. There were no major complications, and both mother and daughter are fine. I went to visit the family in the hospital the next day, and was glad to find that Kara is indeed as cute and Dustin told me she was. It was a long couple of days for the new parents, as I found out when Dustin called to tell me the news at 6pm on Monday. I wondered why he sounded happy but not energized. I found out that neither of them had been asleep when Angelique went into labor at midnight, and he had subsequently been awake since Sunday morning. They actually got some sleep Monday night, so when I saw them on Tuesday they were both looking pretty good.

Dustin has already thrown himself into his new role of doting father. When I arrived at the hospital, Dustin was out with Kara while she was weighed, and Angelique informed me that earlier in the day Dustin had taken somewhere in the neighborhood of 25 pictures of Kara in the same position. He claimed that the lighting conditions and facial expressions were changing by the second, thus necessitating the large number of pictures. I don't think he had maxed out the memory card on his digital camera yet, but I'm sure that by now he's done so several times over.

So a big welcome to Kara Grace Allebach, who is now on her 9th day in the world. And congrats again to Dustin and Angelique, who seem to be coping with their new parenthood very well, albeit with perhaps less sleep than they're used to.

No rest for the weary

Some of you may remember a post I made recently where I mentioned I had been up far too late playing X-men Legends 2. Well, since that time I can say that I have remembered why I stopped playing computer games sometime between my junior and senior years of college. It's because I tend to let them take over my life a little too much. I think I'm up to 26 hours or so on XML2 now, and it's caused me to get much less sleep than normal over the last week and a half. This is not good. Hopefully I'll beat the damn game soon so I can get some sleep.

Lost in Lost

So tonight was Lost's first new episode since November. And for those of you who don't watch this show, I say to you now that you are fools. Fortunately for you, you can buy the first season on dvd and download all the 2nd season episodes so far off itunes, as my esteemed colleague Mr. Hanberg did. I'm already putting this episode in my top three for the season so far, and the trailer for next week was massively teasing. But for the love of god, don't try to jump into the middle. This is a show that builds on itself as you watch, and its so fricking good that you actually won't mind spending something like $60-$70 to catch up.

Also, there was a "review" episode on before the new episode, so people who haven't watched the show can get a general sense of what's going on. I saw some of it, and it featured worst example of a deep voice-over I have ever heard. It wasn't that the voice was bad, it's just that aside from being totally unnecessary, the writing was horrific. Whoever came up with that idea and wrote the dialogue should be fired so they can move to Wisconsin to work in the dairy industry, because they obviously feel there isn't enough cheese in the world.

Anyway, and excellent episode of a great show. I can't wait for next week.

Joe, why is there a huge gap between the title and the text?

And the answer is, I don't know. I'm trying to figure it out, but I haven't had a lot of time recently. Hopefully, the problem will simply go away on its own, because if I have to start really trying to fix it, I may accidentally destroy the internet.

It's not quite like Flubber, but it's close

So tonight was my first night playing broomball with actual broomball shoes. I've played with a Carleton alumni team here in the cities over the past couple years, but I didn't feel like the cost (usually $60-$80, mine were $60) was worth it, even though most other people on the ice had them. I also felt like I wasn't as good in relation to other people as I was a Carleton, but I figured that was more of an experience factor than an equipment factor. But then I put on these shoes.

Man, I was impressed. I wondered before if it would take me awhile to adjust to them, and it didn't. Aside from my ankle that I sprained last fall feeling a little weird (it was essentially sitting on top of a layer of cushiony rubber/foam, so there was a lot of side-to-side play that it hadn't experienced in a long time), I was off and running. It was great. My speed relative to the other people on the ice went way up, as did my response time. I'm looking forward to playing a whole season with these things (not to mention a real game, since our opponents didn't show and we just scrimmaged). Kreuser's back, baby.

The Future is Funky

Hey everyone. I'm on my way to bed, but before I go I thought I'd link this. I found this a long time ago, and have been meaning to post it, so here it is. Possibly the most ridiculous trailer in terms of what it's trying to market I've ever seen. But as I've watched it many times over a long period, I've decided that I really, really like it. If you've ever seen the original Star Trek, or have a sense of what the episodes were like, this will have you roaring. My favorite part is at the end, with the "friendly locals."