In a world with 6 billion people, there are bound to be some morons. I mean, let's face it, civilization keeps alive a lot of people who just wouldn't make it on their own. But in a society like ours that continually tops itself, this one strikes me as something of a benchmark.
OJ Simpson is publishing a book and giving a TV interview on Fox to promote the book at the end of November. The topic? OJ will tell the interviewer "how, hypothetically, he could have killed his ex-wife and her friend". The book will be titled "If I Did It."
Wow. So OJ's going to get up there and say, "I didn't do this, but if I did, here's how I would have done it"? I know he can't get tried for murder again, but damn. Do other people who didn't commit horrible crimes spend lots of time imagining how they would have committed them?
I recognize that he may have done this book/tv deal just to get some money to try and pay off some of the $33 million he owes the Goldman family, but still. This man has issues. I wonder if he's found the real killers yet?
Thursday, November 16, 2006
Congratulations are in order
Been awhile since I posted, and several things have happened to people I know that deserve recognition. So here we go:
Good job, Democrats. You didn't massively fuck up and won back the House and Senate. Now just be smart about things and get some stuff passed so people can actually say you stand for something again.
To my good friend Sara Decherd, mazel tov on her engagement to her boyfriend Solomon Rutzky. You can see their wedding site here. I had the opportunity to meet Solomon when they visited the cities a few months ago, and I was impressed by his dry, sarcastic sense of humor, which I thoroughly approve of.
Also in the romantic adventures department, a good job by Mr. Java Fortran on getting a date with a frisbee girl. Java reminds me of the song "Tiger Woods" by Dan Bern, 'cause he's got "big ol' balls".
To the inestimable Mr. Andrew Eppig: Happy Birthday. Mr. Eppig turned 27 on Oct 25th, and I totally forgot until two weeks ago, and I'm just getting around to doing something about it now. Andrew, you're a better man than me, but at least I don't forget your birthday for long. I hope you had a nice traditional French celebration, which, as far as I understand it, involves wine and hookers, although not necessarily in that order.
Major props to Mr. Caleb Bartley, who went to Dallas looking for a job and has now found one. He is now the newest Emergency Management Specialist for the City of Dallas. Caleb, I think we're all disappointed that your job is Official Uniform Inspector for the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, but we all need goals to work toward. On the plus side, Caleb's hiring did inspire an unprecedented level of inter-faith cooperation, as various respected Mullahs and Rabbis joined the Pope and the Dalai Lama in calling for the people of the world to pray that the city of Dallas never has an emergency. Ever.
And finally, congratulations to Mr. Erik Hanberg (apparently I feel like calling everyone Mr. today). After he left his position as General Manager and Grand Pooh-Bah of The Grand theater, he decided that he wanted to open a for-profit, black box theater in Tacoma. Ambitious, certainly. But so far it looks like he's doing ok, and last week he announced The Horatio has secured a location in downtown Tacoma. Erik, I'm massively impressed. And if any of you has an extra $100 sitting around, ship it on over to Hanberg to help him get his theater up and running. He'll even give you stuff if you do.
And what's going on with you, Joe? Well, I've been playing my new video game: Marvel Ultimate Alliance. Nothing like kicking some bad guy ass while playing as Cap, Thor or Spider-Man. Also, I get to brew beer this weekend. Woo hoo!
Good job, Democrats. You didn't massively fuck up and won back the House and Senate. Now just be smart about things and get some stuff passed so people can actually say you stand for something again.
To my good friend Sara Decherd, mazel tov on her engagement to her boyfriend Solomon Rutzky. You can see their wedding site here. I had the opportunity to meet Solomon when they visited the cities a few months ago, and I was impressed by his dry, sarcastic sense of humor, which I thoroughly approve of.
Also in the romantic adventures department, a good job by Mr. Java Fortran on getting a date with a frisbee girl. Java reminds me of the song "Tiger Woods" by Dan Bern, 'cause he's got "big ol' balls".
To the inestimable Mr. Andrew Eppig: Happy Birthday. Mr. Eppig turned 27 on Oct 25th, and I totally forgot until two weeks ago, and I'm just getting around to doing something about it now. Andrew, you're a better man than me, but at least I don't forget your birthday for long. I hope you had a nice traditional French celebration, which, as far as I understand it, involves wine and hookers, although not necessarily in that order.
Major props to Mr. Caleb Bartley, who went to Dallas looking for a job and has now found one. He is now the newest Emergency Management Specialist for the City of Dallas. Caleb, I think we're all disappointed that your job is Official Uniform Inspector for the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, but we all need goals to work toward. On the plus side, Caleb's hiring did inspire an unprecedented level of inter-faith cooperation, as various respected Mullahs and Rabbis joined the Pope and the Dalai Lama in calling for the people of the world to pray that the city of Dallas never has an emergency. Ever.
And finally, congratulations to Mr. Erik Hanberg (apparently I feel like calling everyone Mr. today). After he left his position as General Manager and Grand Pooh-Bah of The Grand theater, he decided that he wanted to open a for-profit, black box theater in Tacoma. Ambitious, certainly. But so far it looks like he's doing ok, and last week he announced The Horatio has secured a location in downtown Tacoma. Erik, I'm massively impressed. And if any of you has an extra $100 sitting around, ship it on over to Hanberg to help him get his theater up and running. He'll even give you stuff if you do.
And what's going on with you, Joe? Well, I've been playing my new video game: Marvel Ultimate Alliance. Nothing like kicking some bad guy ass while playing as Cap, Thor or Spider-Man. Also, I get to brew beer this weekend. Woo hoo!
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Election '06 Jitters
So the election is tomorrow, and I'm nervous. "Why are you nervous, Joe?" you might ask with good reason. The Dems, at this point, are looking to be by far the less stupid of the two parties, and seem poised to take control of the Hill. It would be a massive upset if they didn't take at least one of the Houses of Congress.
Let's see. What's happened in the national elections since I turned 18?
In 1998, Minnesotans elect a professional wrassler governor. Jesse Ventura makes up 10+ points overnight, providing an excellent argument for Congress' subsequent bill which sought to institutionalize the state.
In 2000, Cuba offers to send election officials to Florida, the President is elected by the Supreme court, and the term "hanging chad" dominates the national dialogue for months.
In 2002, everyone is so freaked out that all politicians need to do point and yell "Terrorists!" and no one pays attention to what they're actually doing. Paul Wellstone dies less than a month before the election, and certain victory for his replacement (Walter Mondale), turns into crushing defeat after everyone goes Howard-Dean-insane at the memorial service. Minnesota elects Bush clones Pawlenty and Coleman as Governor and Senator, respectively.
In 2004, we find out that all this country REALLY has to fear is a president that windsurfs.
And that brings us to now. 2006. Water is banned on airplanes. The only thing we know for certain about Iraq is that whatever it is we're doing is working out so great. Inspired by the success of Girls Gone Wild, Congress has decided to put out a monthly scandal, which they keep sending out even after we've told them we don't want them. And the Dems might actually be getting back into a position where they can build up some street cred.
Yeah. I'm nervous. Big time.
Let's see. What's happened in the national elections since I turned 18?
In 1998, Minnesotans elect a professional wrassler governor. Jesse Ventura makes up 10+ points overnight, providing an excellent argument for Congress' subsequent bill which sought to institutionalize the state.
In 2000, Cuba offers to send election officials to Florida, the President is elected by the Supreme court, and the term "hanging chad" dominates the national dialogue for months.
In 2002, everyone is so freaked out that all politicians need to do point and yell "Terrorists!" and no one pays attention to what they're actually doing. Paul Wellstone dies less than a month before the election, and certain victory for his replacement (Walter Mondale), turns into crushing defeat after everyone goes Howard-Dean-insane at the memorial service. Minnesota elects Bush clones Pawlenty and Coleman as Governor and Senator, respectively.
In 2004, we find out that all this country REALLY has to fear is a president that windsurfs.
And that brings us to now. 2006. Water is banned on airplanes. The only thing we know for certain about Iraq is that whatever it is we're doing is working out so great. Inspired by the success of Girls Gone Wild, Congress has decided to put out a monthly scandal, which they keep sending out even after we've told them we don't want them. And the Dems might actually be getting back into a position where they can build up some street cred.
Yeah. I'm nervous. Big time.
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