Never mess with Tony Jaa's Elephants

And I mean never. He will break your arm in 8 places, then kick you in the head as you're flying away in a helicopter. Anyway, go see The Protector if you're in the mood to watch the current king of movie martial arts. You won't need to worry about the plot, because I'll give it away right now: Tony Jaa and his dad raise elephants. Bad men steal the elephants, kill Tony's dad and take the elephants to Sydney, where all evil asian people in movies if they want to talk to white people. Tony Jaa follows them, then kicks everyone's ass. There you go.

There's one scene where I'm pretty sure they just asked Jaa how many different ways he could take someone down while doing (or appearing to do) significant damage to their arms or legs. Then they told about 84 stunt guys to run at him one at a time. Then they added sound effects. Crunch.

Seriously, it's fricking awesome. It gets the official Joe seal of approval.

Speaking of trailers

A while ago I posted a poster for a movie I knew nothing about, but was excited to see because the poster kicked ass (being drawn by Mike Mignola of Hellboy fame). Now the trailer for the movie, Pan's Labyrinth, is online. And it's kinda creepy. I still don't know anything about the movie (and yes, that's willful-I know I could find info if I went looking), but I'm still psyched to see it. Take a look.

Do do, da do da do

New Bond trailer up online. I don't have a problem with the whole "blond Bond" thing like some people seem to. I don't really think Daniel Craig is all that blond, anyway.

Flick looks good. I'll reserve judgement until I've seen the entire movie, though.

My apartment is a secret CIA prison

It's true. The CIA has been holding some dude here for the past four months. And the screams at night and the smell of burning human hair is starting to really get to me.

I'm sorry, but is there some reason that Bush couldn't say this back in, oh, November, when this story actually broke in the press? Oh wait, he needed 10 months to clear everyone out of those secret prisons and get them to Guantanamo. And clear up that damn evidence of torture. No, I don't have any proof for that last statement. But let's see here. If your administration has gone from disregarding the Geneva Convention to calling it "vague", your Secretary of Defense created an environment that allowed the Abu Gharib stuff to not only happen, but for many, many pictures to be taken, and your term for your interrogation techniques is "alternative", I'm thinking you are to torture what Barry Bonds' overripe cantaloupe of a head is to steroids.

I am not under some sort of strange delusion where I think we're keeping fluffy bunny rabbits in these places. Many of these are seriously disturbed people whose outlet for their problems seems to be focused rage at the West (neither do I believe that everyone at Guantanamo is a terrorist, but that's not really germane to the issue). They need to be held accountable for their actions (or intended actions). But we need to be better than these people. We need to make the system transparent enough that whoever's in charge can't just lock people away indefinitely. These people need to see and hear the evidence against them, and have a chance to respond. I'm not saying take 12 morons off the street, but get an objective panel that knows what's going on and can make an intelligent, informed and well-reasoned opinion. We don't get to torture them. They've decided that our lives mean less than theirs. We cannot feel the same way. Check that. We can feel that way all we want, but we cannot act that way. We need to be better than them, because we've got the bigger guns, tanks, planes and nuclear bombs, and if we're not better than them, then everyone on this planet is in a lot of trouble.

Evil Doers Beware! You Face...The Tick!

Probably the best animated cartoon show I've ever seen (not my favorite-that would be He-Man) is The Tick. Ever since the first time I realised that they could actually release animated TV shows on DVD, I've wanted this series. And now, thanks to Amazon's graciousness, it has shipped to me. I will receive it on Dec 21, 2014, because I chose the free super-saver shipping. What a moron I am.

Of course, someone is a bigger moron, because this is not the entire first season. For some god-unknown reason, one of the episodes is not in this collection. The Tick vs The Mole Men, I believe. Supposedly it's by far the weakest episode of the bunch, but still. I swear, Marvel, if you're holding this up over the damn Mole Man rights I will kick you in the nuts.

I can't say I'm surprised

Forbes.com appearently doesn't have a whole lot of demands on their time, so they went around ranking the Drunkest Cities in America. Not surprisingly, Milwaukee came in at number one with a bullet. This comes on the heels of Futurama's distinction of Milwaukee as The Most Romantic Place on Earth, for its creation of the "beer goggles".

What is surprising about the Forbes.com study is that the Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul came in second. Wow. I had no idea we were so high on that list. Just one more reason why the midwest kicks the coasts' collective ass. Trailing us in the top 10 are Columbus, Ohio, Boston, Austin, Chicago, Cleavland, Pittsburgh, Philly and Providence.

Read the StarTrib article here and Forbes.com here.

Garza watch

Francisco Liriano has been the Twins' most ridiculous pitcher since he joined the starting rotation sometime in late May. But he's done something to his forearm, which caused him to skip his last start and get pulled from his start today after only 4 innings. This is bad news, because he's been as close to unhittable as you get in the majors. However, this may help to clarify the situation of the Twins' other most unhittable pitcher this year, Matt Garza. Garza was taken in the first round of the draft last year, meaning he's spent about 14 months or so in the Twins' minor leagues. After tearing through the three levels of the farm system as if they were a sub-par little league, Terry Ryan (the Twins' GM) is running out of reasons not to put Garza into the Twins' starting rotation.

My prediction: if Liriano goes on the DL (meaning a roster spot is freed up) or Mike Smith bombs his second shot as the 5th starter in the rotation, Garza will be in the majors and hopefully treating it like just another level of the minors.

A call for support

There are many idiots in the world. One of them is running this country. Others are in charge of various groups around the world. Your boss may be an idiot. Some bosses are. Some bosses are bigger idiots than others.

I have know Mr. Erik Hanberg since the fall of 2000, when we met as roommates while abroad for Carleton's London program. We bonded when we discovered we both disliked our third roommate. In all the time I've known him, I have found him to be someone who is passionate about his interests, which include truth in all its forms, movies and Lauren Bacall. He is also someone who works hard on anything he wants to accomplish, and all the more so when those goals happen to coincide with his passions. He has a signed picture of Lauren Bacall, he once went on a verbal tirade because a statistic someone had written in chalk outside of our dorm was a gross distortion of what the numbers actually meant, and of course for the last couple of years he has fully committed himself to running his local arthouse movie theater in Tacoma. He is one of the finest men I know, and I am glad to count him as a friend.

I have a link to Erik's blog over on the right, because I frequently find his comments and insights amusing and/or thoughtful. I strongly suggest it.

I say all this because, for reasons I won't go into here, Erik is leaving his job of Grand Pooh-Bah of The Grand. For those of you who also count him as a friend, drop him a line, either via phone or email. I'm sure it will be appreciated.

It's Hot

Today was (I think) the 17th day straight with a 90+ high. And it's going to continue for the next 5 days or so at least. Someone needs an air conditioner, and I think it's me. Also, it's humid enough to grow mold on common household objects. Like lamps.

Hanberg's Next Vodka

My esteemed friend, Erik Hanberg, likes weird bottles, and by that I mean specifically bottles that hold alcohol. This usually manifests itself in his tendency to buy bottles of wine that have either weird pictures on the front or odd paragraphs on the back, but sometimes it extends to other bottles. I can remember him buying a couple of vodkas solely because he thought the bottles were cool. Therefore, I predict that after he reads this post, this will be the next vodka he buys.

The bottle is shaped as an old school tommy gun, and appropriately enough, it's called Tommy Guns Vodka.

Next time I visit Tacoma I'll see that bottle.

Rock Star: Carleton

Josh looked a little nervous up there. Maybe he was afraid that some of the lizards would escape and come back on to the stage. Or maybe it was that whole millions-of-people-are-watching-me thing so many people seem to have. Also, it sounded like the bass was downmixed and Josh's lead guitar upmixed (I don't know if these are actual terms, I'm just making them up) from how the song played on the cd (itunes, baby. itunes). But still, it wasn't a bad performance. The didn't screw up, and they played pretty well. Major props to the 1st Goodhue alum.

Fame and Fortune

Well, it's finally happened. Someone from my class is going to be famous. Josh Grier lived on my floor freshman year of Carleton, and as this article in the Strib shows, he may be on the verge of being extremely well known. His band (Tapes 'N' Tapes) just signed a record contract with what sounds like a fairly major label and is playing Letterman tomorrow night (Tuesday). I saw him in the local grocery store about a year ago, and asked how he was doing. He said pretty good, and that his band was about to embark on a tour in the western half of the US. Color me impressed at their progess. I'll definately be tuning in tomorrow.

I know nothing...

...about this movie. But I still really want to see it. The poster art is by Mike Mignola, the creator of Hellboy. This is another one of those ComiCon goodies. I've gotta get myself to San Diego one of these Julys.

TMNT

As a child of the 80s, I grew up with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Their cartoon kicked ass. The original, live action movie is the reason I love trailers. And I'm pretty sure my mom has many of the original toy line stashed away somewhere in the attic. I've even got the first four trade paperbacks of the original comic book run, which is a lot more weird (indie-comic book weird) and hardcore than you might expect. (As a cool FYI, in the Turtles' origin story the Turtles get covered with an ooze that falls from a truck which swerves after almost hitting an old man who gets knocked out of the way by a younger man. The canister hits the young man in the eyes, then bounces down the sewer to mutate the Turtles. The young man's name is Matt Murdock, and the ooze blinds him but heightens his remaining senses and he later becomes Daredevil.)

Anyway, the San Diego ComiCon is going on right now, which means lots of cool stuff gets premiered, and one of them is the trailer for a new TMNT movie. Check it out here. It doesn't give you anything except cool visuals, but damn it looks good. I believe I'll probably be seeing this one in 07.

Happy Birthday to Me

Yesterday was my 26th birthday, and it definately feels weird being on the other side of the 25 year line. After work Kathreen and I went to the Twins game to see Liriano almost get his first complete game shutout (he lost it on an unearned run in the 9th), and then adjourned to The Independent where we met Java, Gregg and Kellie for some food and drinks. All in all not a bad B-Day. Still, Joe's Birthday (Observed) will occur this weekend. Because let's face it: I need a solid 3 days to properly celebrate my natal anniversary.

Jesus, MLK and...Ken Lay

Earlier this week Mr. Hanberg posted on Ken Lay's death, postulating that every reporter in the country would be trying to get proof that he committed suicide rather than go to prison. While that claim is still speculation, speaking at his funeral his friend Rev. Dr. Bill Lawson compared Lay to MLK and Jesus Christ. I haven't seen the MLK quote, but the Jesus comparison apparently was made because, like Christ, Lay "was crucified by a government that mistreated him."

Hmmm. Let's look at the two possibilities: one, that Lay was a saint who was snowed by a hostile government (which he had made countless donations to and was on a nickname basis with ol' W) and convicted of a crime he didn't commit, or two, that Lay was at the head of one of the biggest fiduciary misconduct cases of the last 50 years, caused thousands of people to lose crippling amounts of money and then was convicted by a jury of twelve people who thought he might have done something wrong.

I'm all for speaking well of the dead, but let's not rewrite history here, people.

Potlatch '06

So the picture on the left is what Mr. Eppig looked like at Potlatch this year. The picture on the right is what he looked like last year. You can see what he looked like two years ago by clicking on the Andrew Eppig link in the right margin. This is a man who is dedicated to his craft.

Anyway, Professor Booty turned in its best Potlatch performance ever, going 3-1 in pool play on the first day of the tournament (and we could have won the other game as well if we hadn't been a little worn out). On Sunday we were seeded 5th in the C pool, putting us in the top half of the field. And though we lost both our games Sunday, we had three game points in the first one (which we failed to score-and then we lost the second game on a hangover from the first game). The team that beat us finished at the top of the B pool last year.

For those of you unfamiliar with Ultimate, Potlatch is the largest co-ed tournament in the world. It consistently draws some of the best players and teams in the game (making it all the cooler that a team comprised mainly of CUT and Syzygy alums won the whole thing). For Booty to finish so high in the field is really, really impressive.

Of course, most of the credit goes to Matt "Genghis" Hahn. That guy is alright.

Back in MN

I returned from my annual Hajj last Friday. Many thanks to Mr. Hanberg, who was as always an excellent host. We spent two nights at his parent's cabin, where as always we played many games of both skill and luck. I couldn't buy a decent cribbage hand, but I did manage to take the two games of chess we played once we got back to Tacoma. He also took me to a Mariners game (absolutely amazing seats) where we saw them get shut out by Bartolo Colon and the Angels, and then we snuck in to an early screening of Pirates 2, which was excellent even from the second row, stage left.

Naturally, I went to another screening of P2 24 hours later with Java, Caleb and Carl. And seeing the movie twice in rapid succession like that, I noticed something. You twice see a heart-shaped locket in Davy Jones' possession (which playes music as well), but what you probably missed is that you've already seen one in the movie before. The first time Will, Jack and the gang visit the weird voodoo lady, Jack steals a ring off her table when she's getting him a jar of dirt. Sitting next to the ring on the table is a heart-shaped locket exactly like the one you later see Jones with. Coincidence? Joe thinks not. Let the speculation for Pirates 3 begin!

Superman Returns

I can tell you what I like about Richard Donner's original Superman movie in two words: Christopher Reeve. That's pretty much it. I like it when Reeve's onscreen, doing pretty much anything, except flying with Lois Lane while some crappy voice over recites a poem. The rest of the movie ranges from passable to painful. I didn't really like the way Lex Luthor was written (Gene Hackman did an excellent job, but I hated the character). The plot was ok but not great. And I didn't like how Supes got saved by Lex's henchwoman who suddenly had an attack of conscience.

However, if you read a lot of fanboy stuff (and I have), you will discover that I am in the minority in not liking Donner's Superman. Take Bryan Singer: he likes it. He likes it so much, he decided to make it. Not remake it, mind you, because this isn't a remake. No, as the saying goes, good writers borrow, great writers steal. Singer stole a lot of the plot of this movie from Donner's original. And from what I said before, you'd probably think that's a bad thing.

But you'd be wrong. Boy, how you'd be wrong. Because Singer kept what was good: the sense of heroism, the tension between Clark Kent and Superman, and the music. He got rid of the cheesy voice overs, and substituted real emotion and chemistry between Brandon Routh and Kate Bosworth. He tweaked Lex just enough to keep the sense of humor, style and showmanship, and gave him a dangerous edge that makes him much more of a threat. Singer keeps the henchwoman with a conscience, but doesn't give Supes such an easy out at the end. Basically the only thing that's not as good is Clark Kent, because Chritopher Reeve is dead. But Routh does an excellent job-I'm not complaining at all about his performance, because I thought he did a great job. But Reeve was just a little better as Clark. It was just a little more effortless, a little more real. But you don't notice. Because you're too busy looking at everything else.

And that of course, is Singer adds that Donner never could: ass-kicking action supported by massive special effects. The shuttle sequence is brilliant, the final sequence is wrenching, and Superman hasn't looked this good while flying since season 4 of Smallville. Once everything gets going, there's plenty of eye candy to go around.

The movie ultimately suceeds because Singer knows it's about more than Superman beating up on bad guys. It's about someone who embodies the best aspects of humanity, and has the power to do something about all the terrible things that happen in the world. All of them, all at once. Because he's Superman.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

It's the 4th of July weekend, and that means I'm heading out to Washington to play in my favorite frisbee tournament, Potlatch. For those of you who don't know, Potlatch is the largest co-ed ultimate tournament in the world, and it usually takes place over three days (when the 4th creates a true 3 day weekend, anyway). My college midcore team, Professor Booty, has been going to Potlatch for the last 3 years, and it's been fantastic every time.

And of course, I can't go out to Seattle and not stop by the fine city of Tacoma to visit my good friend, Mr. Hanberg, now can I? Every year I've gone to Potlatch, I've followed it up with a visit to Erik's hometown. It's a great trip, and I leave tomorrow night. So posts may be spotty for the next week. But I will post my Superman review before flying out.